A
female
age
30-35,
*timos
writes:Greetings fellow souls,Recently, I was broken up with by my boyfriend of around 9 months because he thought I cheated on him. The only problem is that I didn't, nothing. No flirting with intention, kissing, touching, etc. nothing. Just some theories he created in his head and couldn't get over. Throughout the entire relationship, he was highly jealous and possessive, so I assume his untrusting behaviour and his unwillingness to believe me spawn from that. When we broke up, his behaviour was incredibly rude, he hit me in the face, insulted me, tried to get me to have sex with him and generally humiliated me in any and every way possible. I understand that the only real solution to this is to move on, and I am working on that moment by moment. My question is how do I get over the him thinking I cheated aspect? I seem to have this incessant need to end things well and I despise the idea of him walking around telling lies about me and feeling like a victim, when I'm the one who was hurt and wrongly accused. Despite all the troubles our relationship had, there were many excellent moments and I still harbour tender feels for those times. So essentially, how do I get over being wrongly accused? Is it low of me to even care? Our relationship clearly had to end, I just wish it wasn't in anger and bitterness.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 December 2014):
 You can't stop people from going around telling lies about you, if that's what they want. And you can't spend all your time and energy on trying to prevent people from saying negative things about you either. You know the truth. That's enough. If he goes around telling people you cheated on him, well you know what? All that means is that people who believe him are idiots you don't need in your life anyway. And those who know that he's a paranoid, jealous and possessive liar, they wont think twice about what he said and it will only make himself look bad.
So, intelligent people who can think for themselves, and who know you, and know him, will not believe his lies. Stupid people who have nothing better to do than gossip, and who aren't nice people in general, might believe him, but why would you need those kinds of people to like you anyway? You don't need such negative people in your life. So good riddance.
I come from a city that's just small enough for EVERYONE my age to know who I am, even those I've never met. You can bet they have been telling stories about me. But those who have better things to do with their time, than gossip, have never put faith in any such stories, nor do they take their time to listen to them. Those who get to know me soon learn who I am, and the closest Ive come to the "stories" about me, is when one guy told me he was wared about approaching me, but that he's glad he did, because I am nothing like the gossipers made me out to be. People who are truly interested in getting to know you will NOT rely on gossip.
So, let your ex talk. It will only reflect poorly on him, and the people who choose to believe him.. well, you don't need such people in your life.
Be glad the relationship is over, he was violent, scary, jealous and paranoid. You had your good moments, but life with him would have been more and more hellish, because people like him.. they escalate. He hit you. For that you could have filed police charges. So what if he claims you cheated, he hit you!! That's an offense. You could file a police charge for that. He can't go to the police in claims you cheated, but you can go to the police saying you were hit. He's ten times worse than he's trying to paint you out to be. People who know him, they also know this. So they will not put faith in his words.
A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (22 December 2014):
 It's very unnerving when you can't get a person to trust you and when he creates reality and makes it so. I think you want to know why he's this way to understand, to get closure but to give him excuses. Also what to do if you run into men like this again.
If there is no evidence or reasons you gave him you accuse of cheating, men accuse to get you on edge all the time and to make you reassure him that he's the only one. I actually had an ex who blatantly told me he didn't see anything wrong with doing this and to accuse was the only way to see the truth.
There are paranoid schizophrenics who have a habit of doing this too. Whether they are officially diagnosed or not, there is no hope reasoning with them because their brains are capable of rational thought. Just imagine if a voice told them he had to stab the person next to them, they would do it.
It's not low of you to care. It is important because many guys have this issue. For those who have the mental restraint to not do this, it helps to understand just how fragile the male ego could be.
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