A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi i was seeing soneone 2 yrs ago and he started seeing someone else. He denied it and lied left right and centre then he got her pregnant. During all this time he hasnt let go of me. I told him i was not prepared to be a bit on rhe side. Now they hv split up, i brlieve she kicked him out although he says he left. I put him up for a couple of weeks while he found a place and the inevitable happened. He is now living at his new place although he was reluctant to leave my house. Said he was comfortable living there and we should just go with the flow. But for me it was too much at once. We now hv a wknd away planned. And although he is going thru a lot with his ex and work and i feel sorry for him i do kot trust him and i dont know if i would want a relationship with him despite i still hv some feelings. His ex sent me messages saying he was also seeing someone else. Dont know if its out of spite or its true. But the fact is he really hurt me wen all this happened 2 yrs ago. And now i think the best thing is to be just friends, but i hv slept with him snd do not know how to retract or how to tell him. Please help. Im sesperate.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (29 September 2017):
 I absolutely agree with Ciar's advice.
Don't try and remain friends with him - there is nothing for you here. Nothing good that is.
If you don't want to deal with any more of this drama and circus - then E-mail him what Ciar suggested. And block, delete, change passwords, change your locks and get a new phone number.
Time for you to MOVE on. Stop wasting your time on someone who is this deceitful.
Want more from a partner, relationship & friendship.
He isn't worth all this hurt and drama.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (29 September 2017):
 What exactly do you mean by 'just be friends'? Do you mean just be civil if you happen to cross paths in the future or regularly keep in touch and get together like you would with women friends?
My strong advice to you is to send him an email telling him you won't be going on this trip, he's got too much baggage and you're moving on with your life. Then block and delete him. Change your cell phone number and email if you have to. Change all passwords and security questions to all your accounts.
And don't look back.
You don't owe him anything. He was bad news from the start and it's only gotten worse. He's not entitled to 'second' chances and it doesn't matter how much he thinks he's changed.
Just drop him and don't try to be friends, don't keep in touch.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (29 September 2017):
Why don't you trust this guy? Other than the fact that you know he's a liar and a cheater.
You call him or email and you tell him you have changed your mind about the weekend and that time you slept together was a mistake, you're interested in seeing him anymore and he should stop contacting you. Then when he calls don't answer if he emails you hit delete and if he shows up at your door don't open it. He knows he can manipulate you and if you give the chance he will.
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (29 September 2017):
 I say, tell him that you no longer wish to go on this weekend away with him.
If you're having bad feelings about this guy then you should trust them. We don't just get bad vibes off someone for no reason at all.
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A
female
reader, Dionee' +, writes (29 September 2017):
I say, tell him that you no longer wish to go on this weekend away with him.
If you're having bad feelings about this guy then you should trust them. We don't just get bad vibes off someone for no reason at all.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2017): Trust your gut, and trust his ex. She kicked him out for a reason. Why would she kick him out, or why would he leave her; when they have a child together?
Players are experts at manipulating women through their sympathy and emotions. Your intuition is on-point.
Just be truthful and upfront; and tell him you changed your mind about the trip. You're not his assigned-caretaker.
I don't think there is anything to feel sorry for. It's your sympathy that he is relying on and also using to manipulate you. He left his kid behind! Not to mention the baby-mama-drama that your life has no room for.
No one in their right-mind invites a lying-cheater back into their lives; after being dumped by the same person. What's wrong with you, my dear? Those old-feelings for him should have been ditched a long-time ago!
Payback whatever amount you owe him for the weekend-getaway, and move on.
This is one of those situations that once you get out of it, you keep going; and you don't look back.
Block his calls, delete his messages, become a ghost, and detach your feelings.
He's got too many issues, and your life is being complicated by them. As long as he is around, you will not move forward.
You're depriving yourself of the future opportunity to meet someone better who may come along.
It's difficult to tell a woman over 40 to let go. They look at age as an enemy; and fear it hinders their love-life, or lessens their future-prospects. Well my dear, hanging onto losers is actually more of the cause of all that! Not your age. They keep you standing in one place. Life passes you by! You look in the mirror; and they've stolen all the best years of your life, including your youth.
He's a player. They always have a woman tucked-away somewhere he can count-on when one is fed-up with his nonsense. That's what players do. Like he found you, when the mother of his child threw him out. He ditched her; and left her alone to struggle raising his child by herself. If she had to kick him out, that speaks volumes about what kind of loser he is.
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (28 September 2017):
 Tell him you have changed your mind - which is the truth. You don't have to give a reason. Say you have realised he isn't really what you are looking for.
You are a bit of a dope being so kind to him after he hurt you. It looks like he was trying to get his feet under the table again. Good for you for showing him the door.
If there is a cost involved in the weekend away then offer to pay your share just to be fair.
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