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male
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*azbud
writes: I am in a relationship with a woman that I love and respect dearly. She is an amazing person to say the least.I have a low self-esteem especially when trying to feel 'worthy' of being with her.She is very easy to get along with and there really is neber a reason for us to fight, but we do.When something arises where I feel I have disappointed her or made her feel uncomfortable we talk about it. In her eyes the issue is resolved and she is again happy to be around me, but I on the other hand tend to carry on trying to justify why I made that mistake. I sometimes end up in a fight with her (actually I am the only one fighting at this point because she refuses to fight) and as time passes, anger develops in me and I lash out at her which of course is aweful for both of us because I end up so ashamed for hurting her feelings.Why do I not find it easy to just let my mistakes go when she says that she has? What can I/we do to help curtail this pattern? I am desparate to get on the corrective path because I definitely do not want to hurt her anymore and I know if I don't resolve this I will end up losing her.
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reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (20 April 2006):
 There must be some reason you are unable to let go; normally in these cases the reason is something from your past that you feel responsible for but in all reality was probably not your fault. I think you need to think if there is anything in your past, probably childhood, that fits that pattern.
If there isnt i would say its a product of your low self-esteem. You torture yourself because you feel you deserve it. Self-torture is a cycle and you need to break that cycle. Have you ever considered counselling?
In general you can control it by improving your self-esteem and keeping a grip; if you genuinely are at fault chide yourself but remind yourself that to dwell will only make things worse. Try and keep calm if the feelings of guilt overtake you, tell ur gf this is what you are doing, go away from the situation and breath deeply and do things that relax you, come back to the situation when you feel ready. If you feel yourself getting angry try the same. Hope that helps.
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