A
female
age
30-35,
*bdd
writes:When i get angry sometimes, I tend to say stuff I dont mean(names or things, that I manipulate him into believeing) I hurt him, and was lowering his self esteem, He wasnt happy so he got out. WHat do I say he said hes not holding grudges but he also said he wants to be alone. I dont know if this is a now feeling or what. We both miss each other extremely but this wasnt the only situation he I also had trust issues, jealousy problem, jumping to conclusions, insecurities with myself. I know I need time to myself but should I still have hope. He still wants to be friends, and I do to, I know I am not ready for this, I know if he does end up in a relationship it wont be anytime soon. I just want to know should I keep anticipating it, or give up. we have talked since the break up, but i initiated it first, short convo. But we talked later that same day.. it was great to hear his voice he told me the same. We both know we still love each other, But at the same time I know I need to get myself together. Im focused not because of him but i want better I carried this through many relationships. I really want him back, but i dont want to rush into a relationship, I want to be friends, then gradually start back talking no rushing into the relationship. But how do I tell if thats what he wants? Also do you think using this situation as motivation is bad or good, i still wear his necklace he still wears my bracelet. I know I made mistakes but this is the one, I know if its meant to happen it will. But im afraid hes focusing on the negative things that happened in the relationship. It sucks but i know this all has to happen. He got out not only for his self but for me. I know when we were breaking up I told him I would change change change and he would get mad i would never understand. But, i get that i cant change who i am only better myself. BUt thats where i left him off at. I have been updating facebook statuses cause we are still friends, so he can see rather than me telling him but is that the best idea or should I leave it as it is?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (28 October 2010):
 We've discussed change, so I won't get into that. The problem of taking an argument to a inappropriate place happens a lot. The only way you'll get better at this is with practice. Practice staying on topic. Find a friend who is willing to help you and ask them to argue with you about a topic. Have a debate. Tell this friend to push your buttons and hopefully make you angry. Then do your best to stick to the topic. With some practice you can hopefully avoid this pitfall in the future. You're going to need to be that voice in your ear for yourself. You know the one that tells you that you're taking things too far. You're going to have to give that voice a megaphone at first, but hopefully after some time and practice it can tone down to a whisper.
Change will only mean something to your ex if you can demonstrate it repeatedly. Saying you've changed is easy. Actually changing is very hard. It will be best if you can show him your progress, but give him some space for now.
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