A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:what do I do to get my wife of 24 yrs. to have sex with me? I bet we have had sex maybe 30 times in the last 15yrs. Thats over 5400 nights in the same bed. When we first got married she was like a nimpho. She wanted it all the time, now its is her way of controling me. I frickin hate it. I feel like a hostage, tortured by her beauty, with no way of claiming the prize. I have tried all the tricks. Bring special things, do house chores, draw a bath with sented candles. All that seems to do is change my every day duties. Now she knows that I do these extra things, and now its become the norm. It feels like I cannot please her. I tell her she is beautiful, and that I love her. Its seems like she just hates sex, but yet the few times over the last 15 yrs. She orgasums and says to me in the heat of the moment that we need to do this more. I know she would like to do it more often. We have good kids to, but she is a huge part of their lives. This becomes an exuse for her to be busy. I bought her a new Yukon, I take on trips,(in fact in seems like that is the only time we get it on) I have become more of the man in the house allowing her not to have to work anymore. What the hell do women want? Sex should be a givin when you enter into a relationship. It should not be a means to control the partner. I wish I could have sex about 1 time a week or even 1 time every 2 weeks. I am getting older, and I won't be able to have good sex after the arthritis sets in. Please somebody out there help this marriage.....I am loosing all hope. I really wonder if other guys are in the same boat, and feel like they are trapped. If you say anything then for sure it will be like years before the next sex nite.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2009): She has got you just where she wants you - her puppet on a string!
Selfish, self-centred bitch that has it all her own way without a thought for your needs.
Sex should be an essential part of any loving relationship, not a bargaining counter or a means of blaclmailing you to make you do what she wants you to.
Stop being used.
Just tell her that if she doesn't co-operate in the bedroom at least weekly, she knows where the door is.
Pack her bags ready, so that she knows you mean it and stop being used as a doormat.
Grow some balls, man, and take control.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2009): Sex twice a year over the last 15 years? Definitely not good. I think if I were you I'd be looking for pastures new - someone who puts out more often. I don't much like the controlling aspect either. Time to get rid I'd say. Not much future in this one. You've got the rest of your life ahead of you, and life is for living not suffering.
Get divorced, get yourself a new woman that appreciates you. There's no point being miserable. Life is what you make it. The future is in your own hands.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2009): In order to do it more, she needs to be turned on more often.
Try asking her the:
Emotions she went through
The context
The words you said
The actions you made
The words she said and actions she made
The place(s)
The people present
For each time that she was turned on in the past
Write these down as the recipes for turning her on
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (25 December 2009):
My advice is: sit her down and tell her that you miss the sex with her! Then gently find a way to suggest making a regular sex date eg. Friday night is sex night then agree that on another day/night of her choice you will also do whatever she chooses. Eg. If she wants to go with you Saturday afternoons to the flower show then by all means go. Tell her that each of you deserve a special day each week to do something special with each other. You choose sex for yours! It sounds unromantic but it works very well in practice. The anticipation for the day heightens your senses and its great! This method of love days has kept Japan overpopulated for years!!!
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (25 December 2009):
 Sometimes when a woman is with the same man for a long, long time, she simply loses interest in him sexually. She sees him more like a really good friend; a roommate, a family member but having sex with him is like having sex with your brother. Yuk! She may love you but she is no longer sexually attracted to you and no amount of chores or compliments is going to create chemistry where there is none. I don't quite understand why or how this happens, but it is a common thing that most women don't even want to admit or recognize about their long-term relationships. We long to spend our lives with a wonderful, caring man who loves and adores us and then oddly enough, once we have achieved the thing we no longer have to work at, our sex drives evaporates before our very eyes. Could it be we are truly in love with the challenge, the conquest the struggle of attaining and maintaining something that takes work? Possibly, but we'd never admit it.
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