A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My 21 year old boyfriend, who I love dearly, is not exactly incredibly sexually suave, lol. Now, he is a virgin. So, I am being really understanding and not being forceful. I'm trying to go slow. Before me, he had done absolutely nothing with a girl. Conversely, I have been in a serious relationship before and my ex and I did just about everything besides anal. We were both virgins with one another and were really eager to get at it, lol. My current boyfriend, while I know he wants to try things, is much more reserved than my ex ever was and I don't know how to handle it. I give him handjobs and blowjobs pretty much every time I see him. I enjoy it. I find it fun and I get pretty randy from it. He's only fingered me once. Now, granted, I kept telling him not to worry about me at first because I knew he was nervous. He isn't grossed out or anything. He just seems a little confused and like he doesn't know what to do. I told him and guided him a bit. He did really well, but I can tell he has no idea about female sexuality. When he was doing me, it was great and I was super excited, but I was nowhere near close to orgasm and eventually his hand got tired. I didn't care or fuss, but he asked, "So, was that good? Was it satisfying?" I told him it was really good, but that I didn't cum. He then looked super disappointed and confused. He replied, "Oh..." and that was it, haha. I tried to explain that girls take a bit more time and effort than guys, but again he just seemed perplexed. The last time I gave him head, when I finished him, I asked how it was and he told me it was really good and then asked me if it was good for me. I thought this was a pretty funny question and chuckled out loud by mistake, lol. I said, "Yeah, I have fun doing that. I like making you feel good." But I don't honestly know if he gets that I don't actually get off while blowing him. He truly seems so oblivious! Then, I asked what was the chance of him going down on me anytime soon. He laughed and said, "Oh I don't know..." and after a long pause said, "I guess I'll try anything once." I know he didn't shoot me down, but he didn't seem too eager or anything. I suppose I find this weird because my ex was the opposite. He was practically begging me to let him do that, but I know I'm comparing apples to oranges and shouldn't be comparing at all. I just don't know how to entice him into doing it. I know he's nervous and unsure, but I've plunged down there many times now and I swallow, too. I've proven that his equipment is nothing I'm scared of. So, I think it is time he reciprocates and at least tries. How do I get that point across without saying it so abrasively? And finally, the dirty talk. Quite simply, he can't. Very well, at least. I like being vocal during sexual encounters. I enjoy being teased with words and I, too, like to hear my guy beg for me to do things to him. It's fun, I think. So, I try to coax it out of him. I'll start stroking him slowly and ask if that's good enough. He'll say something along the lines of it feeling good, but that it could be better. I ask what makes it better. He always gets shy and says, "Oh you know..." Sometimes, I play along and I'll lick him on various spots and ask, "Does this make it better?" until I reach my final destination, but last time I told him he had to tell me what he wanted and he said he wanted me to blow him, but he never, ever will use profanity! You know, sexy profanity. Never ever! I've very slowly been introducing them into my bedroom talk, but he just isn't playing along. Before this last blowjob, we were making out and he was on top of me. He poked me and said he needed to put his package somewhere. I asked where he wanted it most and he again became shy and said, "Oh ya know..." I said, acting all innocent, "No, I don't know where, baby. You have to tell me. I'm not a dirty girl." lol Instead of saying something dirty and sexy, he said, "Uh....well.... your vagina...." and I just bust out laughing and he did too. I told him he could have said it a little sexier and he asked how while still laughing. I just laughed it off and let it go and quit the dirty talk for the night, lmao. (Keep in mind, we havent had penetrative sex yet. Only oral and manual stimulation) How do I promote the dirty talk without having to be so obvious and blunt? I don't want to say, "Sweetie, say p**$$y, not vagina. Say d!ck, not penis." hahaHelp me corrupt my boyfriend! I don't know what to do. The last time I had to do these things, it was uncharted territory for both of us and it just came naturally. My boyfriend seems so lost! What do I do?! haha! Any help is much appreciated!!! :-)
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acne, blow-job, both virgins, hand-job, my ex, orgasm, shy, swallow, vagina Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2011): if you want to train him how to give you oral sex, tell him to think of the carnival game "skee ball." Your pleasure zone is like the concentric circles, in that game, you're breasts are the 50s, your thighs the 10s, your labia the 30s and 40s and your clit the 100 - his hands, lips and tongue are the balls. Nobody gets 100 automatically, they need to practice. Your orgasm is the big stuffed animal. If he's a good boyfriend, and it sounds from your post that he's trying to be, he'll work hard to get the tickets for that big stuffed animal. He'll practice long and hard, putting tokens in the machine until he has enough tickets to get that prize.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm not trying to disrespect his boundaries and I surely don't think that he has to like everything I like, but hey you can't knock things until you've tried them and he is a virgin. I don't think it is fair to generalize either way. A lot of people love to talk dirty. Some more than others and some not at all, but I don't think it is fair to say MOST don't. He hasn't said he hates it and seems to respond well to it if you get what I mean lol. If he ever expressed he was uncomfortable I wouldn't force him. I love him! He just seems nervous and unsure of what to do, not disgusted and running for he door to recover his crossed boundaries. He keeps coming back for more lol.
I'm going to try the back scratching reciprocation method and like the first poster suggested make our exploration mutual and together. That might make it less threatening and a little more relaxing for him. I think I will just be more blunt and cordialy explain my desires to him as has been suggested but while also asking about his. Keeping it mutual.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2011): You seem to think that he is supposed to accept your views on sex and your sexual habits and desires. Has it ever occurred to you that he is an equal individual who might like different things and have different opinions when it comes to sex? Most people aren't into dirty talking. Imagine if you were dating a guy who was trying to persuade you into things you don't want to do. Would you want him to pressure you or to respect your boundaries?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2011): some people feel awkward talking dirty. My partner and I found it a bit funny to start with.
Explain to him what you like/don't like... sorta as guidelines for him.
you could get him to make a list of things that he'd like to try in the bedroom. Then you could add to the list the thing you want him to do to you...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2011): well good on your for being so patient and understanding!
Why not try the 'you scratch my back, i'll scratch yours' method... tease him by rubbing over his body. when he gets turned on, put his hand where you want it to be. try guiding his fingers into you, and as you do that, start giving him a hand job. Try to teach him that, when he pleasures you, you'll pleasure him. If he really can't grasp that, then verbally tell him. Once he's got that, lick his penis, and give him a cheeky smile, then lie back to see if he acts on it...
Maybe you just need to show and guide him again? Put his finger inside you, then put yours in too, and show him where/what feels good.
Explain to him that, although you love to pleasure him, you'd love to experience it together. Keep encouraging and praising him like you've been doing.
If all else fails, you could just show him this question you've posted...
Good luck and keep us posted! x
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