A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for a long time~ my husbands job kept him away for the first 15 yrs, and he changed, never wanting to hold my hand, touch me, kiss me and even went as far as to say I was getting fat and that he doesnt like fat women. That was 5 yrs ago, so I decided a Divorce was my resort. Started everything including a relationship with a different man. I use that term very loosely b/c basically it was a relationship of support, he listened to me and encouraged me to do what made me happy, as far as sex only twice. I have never been one that wants or needs sex, I have always been one that has needed encouragement and affection. I married a prince, Cinderella prince through and through always said the right things, a shoulder to lean on and his touch drove me crazy. It started and ended in a couple months, b/c the man I married made a rare appearence so I thought why not he is still there some were. I have since told my husband of the affair and it is thrown at me every time I turn around. I had forgiven my self and have asked God a million times for forgiveness but every time its thrown up it is like being stabbed over and over again. The man actually had the nerve to text me on Thanksgiving, I was kind and responded more to let him know I was still with my husband and all was great.. (I have already asked God for forgiveness for that lie b/c everything is not all right here ) Why is it that every wrong thing he has ever done I have forgiven granted I have not forgotten them but have forgiven and moved forward ( I was called by his first loves name during sex, he wanted to try something new sexually I told him no so during the heat of the moment he tried anyway, Ive been told Im fat, my opinions are nothing and treated as such, Im wrong if I speak and wrong if I dont, he raised his hand to hit me once right after I lost our fourth baby,and the most recent he told me just get out of here and then that he is sick of "your pity pool", all because I told our son who is an adult welcome to my world when he said he didnt get anything on his christmas list.)I love the man I married and would love to spend the rest of my life with that man. How can I fix everything and bring that man back.... with out being able to turn back the hands of time?! Please help, I am so tired of life like this.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2009): I'd suggest working with him to see if he's interested in working on your marriage. If so, a 5 day couples retreat could be the ticket. Focused work, relaxed environment where all your basic needs are covered. My wife and I treated ourselves to one of these prior to our wedding, as at 40 she'd never been married (Onsite in Cumberland Furnace, TN). It was great!
There were couples there that were working on all kinds of issues, all ages - and as I recall all seemed to be getting a lot out of the event.
Trust me, it was about 1/30th the cost of a divorce... and gave our marriage a great insurance policy.
If he says that he's not willing... well then... you have your answer. All you need to do is decide if he's the correct roommate.
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