A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:so to start i messed up i know why did i lie in the first place i dunno.so the story goes:she finds out i still talk to one of my ex and i lie that it has been a while she finds out and the trust is broken and she doesn't know if she can believe what i say anymore. this happened recently the 2nd of september, we had a fight and she made it clear that the trust was broken i felt really bad things got a lil better the 2 days following. Then she found out that i was still talking to my recent ex i showed her a msg and i had deleted the history and she wanted to see what i had sed previously. Basically she doubted everything why would i delete it what was i trying to hide. this happened on the 4th.Things weren't good and she got distant during the day so i went to meet her to talk all about that happened to make it better. on the 5thSo basically she asked a lot of questions and details and my small lies got bigger and i was trying to cover them with more and i even made up things. But the lies didn't make sense, i guess i did all that because i was trying to avoid unnecessary hurt or fight but it was a bad idea. She told me just tell me the truth you will feel much better. I really love her with all my heart like Ive never loved anyone before. so i told her if i told her the truth i would loose her but i love her and she deserve to know the truth. so i told her we cried a lot and i told her i was truly sorry that i lost what meant the most to me and it killed me i thought it was the end i felt empty she is perfect i told her not to let my mistakes get in the way of the right one for her as she had a lot of trust issues with her previous partners.(nothing i sed to my exs was wrong. i just entertained it and it wasn't right and i understand her disappointment why she was angry and upset)i admitted my mistakes like a man after tears i wished her all the best and was ready to walk away with my head down and never forgive myself for ruining this fairytale. so i got up and said i thought it was time for me to leave now and she sed no stay i didn't understand so i asked why and to my biggest surprise she said i want us to be together i love you and i want this to work. wow im happy so happy as know i realize if i loose this i wont survive and life wont have any point.So now things are hard and i know i have to get her trust back i understand it takes time. But its hard she is very distant and cold its only been a few days but its not easy. she still brings it up and asks alot why and how and how could i do that i disrespected her.i keep telling her how much she means for me how much i love her and how perfect she is, while she is telling me how disappointed she is in me , down koz of me, drained with all this happening and how low she is feeling as well as drained.basically im putting her up and she puts me down.i dont care i probably deserve it anyway. But it hurts and is hard to pull myself for the whole day i have to keep reminding myself that it will pay of and finally get better and come back to normali need your help pls advice anything urgently. i want this i wanna fix it shes the one i cant let her go and she is willing to give me a chance. i must prove her.thanks in advance.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your help guys really appreciate it
We haven't seen each other for a few days as she asked some space and time we still chat and yesterday we had a great chat and miss each other so much and want things to go back to normal
I'm seeing her tonight I'm taking her for dinner
and i had her flowers sent today she hasn't got them yet.
So things are on they way I'm taking in account your advices and will apply them thank you again
any tips or more advice are most welcome if you have any thank you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2011): Thanks a lot on your advice it helps. its been a few days now we still talk last night we had a great chat and things are getting better we both really miss each other and want things to get back to normal i understand it takes time i haven't seen her for these few days as she wanted some time and space wish i gave her I'm seeing her tonight picking her up for dinner and i got her flowers sent during the day she hasnt received them yet.
Any other tips and advice would be most welcome thanks you very much already.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2011): my boyfriend did the same thing to me. It's been a few months, and if we get into a fight, I'll occasionally bring it back up. You need to tell her to stop putting you down, you know what you did was wrong, but putting you down while you both are healing is going to make things worse in other areas. You need to tell her that you will not talk to your ex AT ALL. Prove to her that you will put her above all other girls. If your ex contacts you, show your girlfriend immediately! Say, 'I want to be open and honest with you and show you that she contacted me, but I'm not going to contact her back'. Only time, openness and honesty heals mistrust. It will take time, but it helps that my boyfriend will let me read emails, messages and anything. Try going to couples counseling if you feel it's a good idea. Sometimes free clinics offer counseling or universities/colleges too.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (7 September 2011):
 Trust is like a crystal bowl,once broken it never quite looks the same regardless of how well its reassembled. That's not to say it can't be done it just has to be done very slowly and carefully. Step one is to acknowledge your fault in this thing and express true remorse not just words (she can tell the difference,trust me on that-women know stuff like that). Then progress can begin on a snail's pace. In your mind reverse the roles and try to imagine what you'd expect from her then do that at each step. Good luck putting the crystal bowl back together.
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