A
male
age
41-50,
*monty78
writes:Ok, wow....so I just typed and submitted an entire ''question,'' all for it to tell me i wasn't logged in when i had already logged in....uuugh!So, I will make this one much more brief and as to the point as I can!I am almost 31, a single father (never married) and a business professional in my community. I have a 4 yr old little girl that is so well behaved. I am very blessed, and grateful. For 2 months I have been dating a 27 year old woman that I think the world of. I seem to always end up with the girls that are divorced a time or two, or have a car full of kids, no job, etc. Unlike them, this girl has never been married, has been a manager for her company for 8 yrs, has a 4 yr degree, morals, etc.I like nearly everything about this girl, and she has a lot of qualities everyone else seems to be lacking, but here is the problem, which she openly admits to...She has a hard time discussing and showing her emotions. I feel like I have to ''dig'' to get her to open up to me and tell me how she feels. But when I finally get her to openly communicate with me, she has nothing but good things to say about me, as well as my daughter. The fact that I have to pry to get her to open up to me seems to be a part time job aside from my career. There's no doubt in my mind that she likes me a lot by the way she speaks of me to other people, but its getting frustrating always being the one that has to initiate any ''body contact'' or conversation regarding ''us.'' Also, it has been 2 months and we haven't got past the stage of giving one another a ''peck'' when we leave one another, yet I stay the night with her appx 3 times a week. Please understand, I don't think I have to be having sex with this girl right away, but I also feel like a junior high student anxiously waiting for the time we first ''make out.'' And when I do try to kind of initiate it, it just doesn't seem to happen.I even bought 2 bottles of her favorite wine last week in hopes it would loosen her up and maybe she would communicate with me more, or get more physical with me, and she only had a couple of sips out of her glass.....I ended up killing 2 bottles by myself LOL. I am getting so frustrated at this point. Any suggestions or thoughts would be MORE THAN welcome at this point! Thanks!
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female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (12 October 2009):
 Wow, I used to be like that a long time ago, so I'll speak from personal experience.
There are 3 things that could be at play here:
1. She's either had a really bad experience in the past and is very cautious, or
2. She could be inexperienced in terms of physical intimacy and relationships, or
3. She enjoys your company and thinks you're great but isn't that physically attracted to you.
I think it's either a case of 2 or 3. It shouldn't be one because you'd think that after 2 months she'd trust you on some level.
If it's no. 2 and she has no experience (or lacks it) in the physical intimacy department (and this would also mean that she finds it hard to express her feelings) then she's at a point where she doesn't know how to express herself...she basically doesn't know how to touch you and how to initiate the physical contact or talk about the two of you as a couple. What some girls learned in high school she might be learning now. This is all foreign territory for her. I was in this position a long time ago and what I would have appreciated is the guy making most of the moves one step at a time, and if I was comfortable I would reciprocate and he would just have to read my body language.
But something doesn't add up...there hasn't been more than a peck in 2 months, you stay over 3 times a night and you have tried making a move but it doesn't go anywhere.
So then I'm thinking it could be no. 3 and she's not that attracted to you to touch you and let you touch her and kiss her more intimately. She could think you're a great guy, she could love the time she spends with you but at the same time not be attracted to you enough to want to get close to you. It happens. Why would she still be with you? Basically, no other options and since you're so good to her, she thinks why not.
I think you need to figure out what's going on. It's nice of you to want to make her feel comfortable and to not demand sex but I'd think that at her age, even if she was inexperienced, after two months of dating it should have gone further than just a peck, at least a proper kiss or something.
So talk to her. Tell her you have feelings for her but that you're not sure if she feels the same way. If she asks why you feel like that be honest with her, tell her that things are at a standstill and you're not sure how she feels about you. Hopefully you get something out of her. Although I can tell you respect her and enjoy her company I think relationships need to progress and she's not letting that happen for some reason...your job is to find out what that reason is before getting even more emotionally involved.
And with the wine? Is she normally a drinker? If not, perhaps she feels like is she drinks, she won't be in control and might do something that's not characteristic of her.
A
male
reader, Jmonty78 +, writes (12 October 2009):
Jmonty78 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Annnd why is this listed in the ''divorce'' category? LMAO...neither one of us is divorced!
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