A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I went out with a guy I met online today, and I think we both had fun. He seems like a shy/awkward/nerdy guy, so I ended up planning our date. We were together for about 3.5 hours. We split everything. He's definately an improvement to a lot of the guys I've dated before, but there are some things I've noticed that irritate me. I'm used to the man making the first move, but it looks like this time I made the first move. When I was planning what to do, he had no input into what he wanted to do. He says all the options I suggested are good options, and he'd leave it up to me to decide. So I decided on bowling. He was kinda quiet throughout the date, but attentive. I feel like I did most of the talking. I did notice him staring and signs of nervousness. At the end, he said he had a lot of fun, and I said we should do it again sometime, to which he agreed. However,I do not want to be the one planning another date, nor do I want to be the one to text him again. Hes not the greatest texter. However, I'm worried that if I don't, he won't either, and we'd miss out. But I also don't want to be the one putting in all the work. I feel like he should be chasing me, not the other way around. So I guess my question is how do I get him to show more initiative and text me/ask me out again?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 September 2021):
 Be honest with him.
Put the ball SQUARELY in his court. Ask him if he would like to go on a second date. If he says yes, then tell him great that you were hoping to see him again, and that you look forward to whatever HE plans, and "these" are the days you are available if they work for him.
Either he gets his shit together and plans a date OR he doesn't.
While he might be an "improvement" over past dates I'd suggest you don't "settle" for someone who is NOT really the kind of partner you want.
If he can't get over his shyness or awkwardness and plan a date (you CAN give him some suggestions if you want) then perhaps he really isn't ready to date.
You DO have to remember that you CAN NOT change other people. He is not going to be an excellent texter because YOU want him to be. He is not going to be an excellent planner of dates UNLESS he WANTS to try.
He isn't going to be like "the other" guys because he is not them, he is himself.
See if he picks up the "ball" or not.
If he does GOOD, then YOU can plan the 3rd date and he can plan the 4th.
I think it's ONLY fair that YOU also put in an effort. Even if you are more used to MEN making the first move.
A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (23 September 2021):
 I think the answer to your question How do i get him to show more initiative, and to text you and ask you out is you can't.
He is what he is, we can't change people. You could broach the subject with him and tell him how you would like him to be, but this won't change him, instead you will come across as controlling.
This relationship is still very much in its infancy, and there are already things that irritate you, this is not really a good sign.
Either accept the way he is and continue dating him and see what transpires further down the line. Or finish things with him and find someone who has the qualities that you are looking for.
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