A
female
age
30-35,
*umor08
writes:My boyfriend of a little over a year doesn't want to get married. We have a baby, and he said that he want's to spend forever with me, but he just doesn't want to get married. I have always dreamed of getting married, and it's something I want. Not right this second, but soon. He said thing's change once a couple is married. He was married before, but it's something I want with him. What can I do to help him get to the point of wanting to marry me? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2011): Agree with all the responses. He wont marry you lest you give him an ultimatum and then he may not really care as you two have only been together for a year. Like you I got pregnant right away, though older than you. My man, recently divorced, was not ready to marry me. Never really was. Still feel like the outcast in our relationship as his ex wife is the one still attending his family events with the daughters they had. Men are indifferent to marriage I think if they were previously married. They may commit to you over time without the whole kit and caboodle of marriage. I would wait another year or two and see if his feelings change. If they don't then you have to evaluate as other aunts posted how important that"piece of paper" is. To some it's very important. Marriage is an investment. You will not be entitled to any financial benefits (health care, insurance, retirement etc) w/out that legal document. You could not even sign for him at the hospital should he fall Ill.One of the things that was always a pet peeve of mine is having a different last name than my child's surname. He took on his dads last name and it was painful having to correct people when they would say "mrs. " Also, I remember this little 6 year old at my sons daycare years ago would always ask me why my son had a different last name than I did.You are young, if your man never commits then you need to determine how much value you place in that "piece of paper"
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2011): I think any leverage you may have had in marrying him was given up when you had his child and moved in together. Why marry you now? He doesn't have the cost and stigma of another divorce over his head. Looks like you got pregnant right after you started seeing him too so he may not have really had the chance to really fall in love with you properly.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2011): I know how you feel. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 yrs, we have 2 kids, but from day 1 he said he never wanted to get married (didn't believe in it, most marriages fail etc), I accepted this and didn't think it was a big deal. Recently every single one of our friends is getting married or engaged, this has me thinking that maybe I do want to be married. One thing you have to remember is that he was honest with you from the get go, you can't change someones mind, if you did get him to marry you because you pressured him, that could blow up in your face. My boyfriend said to a friend of his that if I really wanted to get married, he would...I don't want to get married like that! I want him to want to marry me, not because I give him an ultimatum! I was thinking though, I could leave him and find someone who wants to get married, but that is not what I want, I am happy with him, I love him and our daughters, and when we are 80 yrs old, am I really going to care if we have a piece of paper that states we are legally married? No, probably not..This is me and how I have dealt with this issue. You can't pressure him, if he changes his mind on his own, great! If not, you can't get upset, as he was honest. If having the wedding and piece of paper is what you want, then end the relationship and find someone who wants to get married, unfortunately pressuring someone to marry you when they don't want to, will likely end in resentment and probably divorce. Best of luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2011): There is nothing you can do to change his mind if he doesn't want to get married. My brother was going out with a friend of mine from work, he told her from day one he never wanted to get married, he doesn't believe in it, but wanted to share his life with her. She entered the relationship thinking I will find a way to change his mind. 10 years later after trying to pressure, or nag him, having a child together and trying to convince him by using their son as a reason to get married, they have broken up because she wants to get married, and he just won't get married. Sad thing is he was being honest with her and she wouldn't listen. You can't do anything at all to help him change his mind about wanting to get married, you on the other hand need to figure out whether sharing your life with the man you love is more important that having a wedding and getting married.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 December 2011):
 Sadly NOTHING you can say or do will make him marry you if he does not want to.
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