A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:so, i am already in a relationship with this guy. but, im not exactly sure if he is even really interested in me. yes we have a ton of laughs but i want to keep him interested and i just dont know how. i guess what i am really asking is how to win him over and keep him hooked? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, cybergirl  +, writes (10 November 2009):
Hi,I have to add, there is a part to this that is hard, takes a lot of inner strength, so you might have to make yourself very occupied, just so that you don't mess up. That is, well since he is acting uninterested, YOU are now playing the role of dog running after the ball. YOU are the one trying to convince. So therefore he is bored, and you are easy. You have to change this around! And it's hard because you lust too...you want what you can't have too...so right now you are in what I call "ouch" phase. It's hard to turn things around, because you have to resist your own inner nature. As humans, we ALL want what we can't have. It's called lust. WE run after things, and then once we got them, we are no longer excited. In other words, humans chase rainbows, man or woman. But since you want things changed around, and are sick of playing "convincer" you have to be really hard on yourself here. It's like a diet, if you want to lose weight, you don't say "oh just one piece of cake won't hurt me" no! You want to lose weight, so you don't eat the piece of cake. It takes willpower. The only way to stick to your diet, is, to not think about food. don't go on weight watchers where they have lectures about food all the time! right? Go to a knitting class, or go hiking or get involved in other activities, and treat eating like necessity, and that you only eat what's planned on your menu, and it's a serious regiment. Imagine you had a heart attack and now you MUST urgently and religiously follow a strict diet, or else you'll die!So yeah, this phase is hard. but...you get used to it. then when you have a piece of cake, it's nice, but you desire to stay on your diet because it keeps your spirits healthy, it keeps you happy, and you depend on it.You depend on having your own life, you depend on family and friends, you depend on your own job, your own activities...you don't depend on men. men are like cake you have once in a while, for a treat. You go to a circus event or a concert once in a blue moon, But the you start up on your life again right after.Until men become something you can depend on, like they are committed, and love you, they are the enemy, they can hurt you. That is because men commit slower than women, and therefore after a few months of dating, he might still think things are casual and he can pull away any time. So therefore until the ring is on your finger, and you have gotten married, men are the enemy, they can hurt you. You don't trust the enemy. You give him a chance, but you don't trust him. You date others until you find someone you think is good enough for you. When one decides to commit, you see how that goes, and if heis right for you, and if he is, you "might" say yes.But soul search. Because you can love anything. You are a woman, you can love a dog, you can love a child, you can love God, you are designed for love. But you have to think logically, and decide which of these things that you love, are worth it in the long run, because maybe you live in an apartment and a big dog isn't allowed in most places, so even though you love big dogs, they are not worth your while.I think that the more we get logical the better.Realize that chemistry builds. For you. So...pick someone you think logically would be good, and you might fall in love later, when he convinces you.-Deborah
A
female
reader, cybergirl +, writes (10 November 2009):
Hi,You might not like the answer I have but I'll try. I want to create a metaphor. Pretend you are out shopping. You have something in mind, a tall pair of leather boots, the in thing now that's on the runways in Paris. You want to get a pair so that you can be in style. You see it being introduced in stores, some even go above the knees, and although they look red district, you know that it's the hip new style, not something sleezy. You thought you'd wear it with a Yeti coat just to keep things a little sarcastic. Anyway, you got a sense of style. you try on a few boots, and there are a couple that really look classy on your leg, made of real leather, and some of not. They are high priced, and you only wanted to spend $80 dollars, but these are the new fad and they are priced more like $300-500.You head on down to Walmart. You see boots that are even nicer, but only priced 50, and you get another pair free. You think to yourself, they look nice, but...you remember the softness of the other boots, and how they aere so classy, and these are a little more flashy. But they look better because they are more shiny (like the ones on the runways). They are not terrible tall, but tall enough!But your heart sinks, because you feel like you are being cheap. You sya to yourself, well, later when I get more money to throw around I'll go back and get those really expensive onces from the boutique. For now these will do.And guess what? You are tricked! You were tricked to think that because the price tag was higher, and the item was more unattainable, that it was better. The fact is, they were both made in China, cheaply with similar materials and they will both wear out at the same time.This is part of marketing. And it's a game.The psychology of people is, we are constantly lusting after things. We want what we can't have.Try this on a cat. My cat is severely in love with me. Most people get ignored by cats. My cat craves my attention. This is because I can't be bothered to play all the time with him. I am busy and I type on the computer stuff I need to do. he comes and sits on the keyboard to stop me!BUT if I turned around and smothered him, he'd run!now try this. tease a little, and then as he comes closer, back away. My cat comes closer to me when I do that. Then if I try to hug him, he backs away! but then when I tease him again, and then back away, he comes and rubs his head against me, and he curls up beside me and purrs.Men are like this too! tease a little, then put up some resistance, act aloof and like you are busy and have things to do. And then they draw closer. Jump up all happy and smother him with love, and he backs off. Be HARD to get, and he suddenly can't resist you!It's a fine balance. A back and forth game. but if you want to be wanted, you gotta stop being the "convincer" and have him be the one trying to convince you!but you can't play too hard either. It's like this: if a dog has a ball sitting in front of him, not moving, he will ignore it. Just like, if you are there for a guy, he will ignore you! However pick up the ball and throw it to the dog, make him work to get it, and he'll jump up and run after it. In fact, he'd be happy to do this all day! Now...take the ball and throw it on the roof of your car or house. He'll come to the edge, stare at it, look at you a few times, and then give up and go away. This is when you are making it too hard to get. So you have to tease. You gotta make him work for you, but not be too unattainable, he has to get a little reward each time. and then you make him chase again, and then he gets rewarded again. Because men like to play games, and they like to win. If there is no game, they are bored, and if they can't win, they give up and go away.
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A
female
reader, Legioness  +, writes (10 November 2009):
 I'd say just spend time with him, go out, do things together, talk to each other, get to know one another properly and you should grow closer :)
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