A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need a bit of advice on how to let someone down gently.i started seeing this girl basically just as a rebound and we had sex a few times. I never told her she was a rebound for me and i know, morally this is wrong.But now she behaves like we're in a relationship. im not interested anymore, in fact the idea of having sex with her is not nice and she annoys me quite a bit. we work in the same place but only for another 2 weeks cos then she moves away.how do tell her, without hurting her, to leave me alone?i say it again, i know what i did was wrong and im trying to make amends now.ive been pretty cold around her but she's not 'getting the message'. if anything its making her try even harder...What do i do? what do i say? considering i have to work in the same place as her for the next 2 weeks.please help.Thanks! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2010): Now you are trying to make "amends?" By doing what? Telling her that you never wanted a relationship with her and that she was nothing more than a trash can for your personal disposal? Give me a break dude---you know what you did was wrong and this is probabaly isn't your first time using a someone as a rebound. If this woman thinks you guys are in a relationship, it is probably because, you led her on to believe that there was one. Now that you have used this defenseless woman, you are looking for an easy way out...well guess what? THERE ISN'T ONE. The only way now is to tell the her the truth. You can write her a letter and mail it, send an email, text her, call her, whatever...but you need to tell her the truth and tell her SOON. That way this poor girl can have time to heal and move on with her life. Nothing good will ever come to you in relationships when you use people in that manner. You should never, ever play around with people's emotions regardless of what situation you are in or getting yourself out of. You are too old not to know better!!! Instead of you taking this rebound period in stride and seeing it as an opp. to do some self inspection, you decided to look for a prey to use and take advantage of and now since you have gotten what you wanted, you want to dimiss her because, she is getting on your "nerves." YOU should be getting on your OWN nerves. You should really be ashamed of yourself. I hope you have learned your lesson young man and never, ever use someone as a rebound again.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2010): Tell her exactly what you told us.Don't leave anything out.Basically don't act as the nice guy.I am seething so much as I type at your callous and cold nature.I agree with Raiders.Why can't you be honest with her that you used her?She will definitely move on in her life once she knows the truth.Karma is a bitch.
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A
female
reader, laetitia  +, writes (13 May 2010):
 First of all, you're one big a-hole for doing what you did.
Second, if she behaives as if you two are in a relationship, then she probably thinks that you two are in a relationship. Therefor, you need to break-up with her formally.
Do it in person. Say that you're not feeling it for her and that you don't want to continue seeing each other in the way that you've been seeing each other (casually and having sex).
Remember, whatever you do or say, be honest about it.
She will be upset for sure. No matter how you break up with her.
Don't offer to be friends. If she wants to be friends she will. Chances are that she won't (if she is a smart girl). I wouldn't talk to you anymore if I were you.
Good luck! Remember - at least be an honest jerk!
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (13 May 2010):
 Use the distance as the reason why you want to end all, I simply don't understand why can't you be honest and tell her that the feelings are not there and that you don't want a relationship with you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2010): if she is a reasonable girl, be honest, tell her she was a rebound and that she just annoys the crap out of you now.
if she's not so reasonable, and she's moving soon, i'd say the best thing to do is just lie again. tell her somethig like since she's moving you don't want anything serious with her. if she tries to push it, i'd suggest telling her you thought you liked her but you were wrong. if she asks why, tell her why.
i know lying isnt good, i hate lying or being lied to, but i am an extremely reasonable person, it takes a lot to make me angry. but i understand what it's like trying to deal with someone who isn't reasonable, you do what you must.
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