A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:The woman i grew up with and was to get married to broke up with me years ago. 2 yrs ago we got back in touch and we both admitted we still love each other. But the last 2 yrs all the guys she tried to meet just use her and degrade her. When i asked her to get back together she just says we are just friends. I know we both love each other but i think she is afraid to get hurt by men and scared to take a chance at love with me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice. We didnt get married due to outside family interference. And yes she did say she was still in love with me.
A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (22 November 2009):
 This one's simple. She hasn't figured out what she wants out of her life. Until she sees a future with you, she's going to keep looking for whatever it is she thinks she wants.
As a friend, you're "safe". But as a friend, she's using you because here she's telling you about all of her failed relationships when she knows you're still in love with her.
That's really punishing my friend. At some point I would walk away no matter how much you love her, there's no sense in waiting for someone who's running to everyone but you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2009): Well she may be scared, but the bottom line is that you asked her how she felt about you and about getting back together and she wants to be just friends.
If you can live with that then keep your energy in the game, but if you don't want to commit to being just friends, then don't. Accept responsibility for anything that you have done or will do that will hurt her or put a chink in her trust. You will have to take things very slowly with her and this may mean that you must date some other people as well, not to make her jealous but to give her the idea that you do not need her, you are not desperately seeking anyone, most of all her.
If you two have a real connection and there is still love there, then have patience and confidence that your relationship will once again blossom into love. Just behave as if this is a brand new relationship, start over from scratch and court her just like you would a woman you might meet tomorrow.
What more can you do really? You have no control over how this woman feels or what her reasons may or may not be in wanting to risk being in a romantic relationship with you.
All you can do is put your focus on you and have an open heart with her as well.
Hope it all works out for you.
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A
female
reader, FordGirl  +, writes (22 November 2009):
 in my opinion... show her how much she means to you... how much u still love her... and ask her to go to dinner to chech up on things and c if shes in to after that... mayb u two will hit it off... u cant help but try
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2009): I can definately tell that you are very much in love with this women, however you cannot make someone fall back in love with you or make them love you in the first place. You say she mentions you both as just friends, this may be her way of trying to tell you she is looking for nothing else but friends. However, if you have that feeling in your heart that tells you she still loves you and it could work out, then speak to her, sit her down and tell her how you feel.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2009): Perhaps she's telling you that you're both just friends because that's how she views her relationship with you. It could be that she doesn't want to hurt your feelings. Why didn't you both get married? Was it because of her? And why? When she's told you she loves you, is she saying "I am IN LOVE with you?" or I love you.
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