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female
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anonymous
writes: I went out with a guy for 2 months this year and although a short time, it was intense and he said he wanted a future and children with me. He then ended it due to personal issues. We've continued to see each other casually i.e. sleeping together but I still feel like there's something more there. When he's with me I feel like I matter but when we're apart I'm just anyone else to him. We work in the same place so I have to see him every day and I'm so weak. He has a hold on me which is my fault, but he's told me so many things which he doesn't follow through on. My head tells me to leave him be but I'm in love with him and can't give up the way I feel when I'm with him. I just have no idea where to find the strength to get over him. Though this makes me sound pathetic, I went through a marriage break-up last year so have come through a failed relationship but I just fell so head over heels for this new guy and it feels harder than last year. Any advice would be appreciated as I've not been myself through all of this and am starting to feel really down and I don't want to feel worse. It's all so out of character for me but I can't seem to control it. Thanks for listening. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2006): Break-ups are never fun, or easy. The last thing you need to do right now is continue hurting yourself by having casual sex with this man. He wants no-strings fun, but you want more. It isn't going to happen. The sooner you can let this guy go, the sooner you can move on. It's only going to end in more and more pain if you keep going to him for the emotional support you need and you end up only having sex. That's all it is to him: sex. Don't trick yourself into believing it's more. It only does more harm than good. After completely cutting your ties with this man, except on work-related issues, you need to help yourself get over him. Talk with family, go out with friends, take up a new hobby, get a pet, go to a class, or find whatever is up your alley that makes you happy, that isn't damaging to your overall psyche. You need to find a healthy way of getting the emotional gratification you're lacking right now. Don't hole yourself up inside your home in front of the TV with a bucket of ice cream. This will only prolong your suffering. Get out and do something that makes you happy. Find yourself smiling and laughing throughout the day. Call up some girlfriends and have a night on the town. Try and be happy without him. Whatever you do, don't go back to him for casual sex. It will only set you back farther.
I wish you the best of luck with your situation. I hope everything works out okay. Stay strong!
~RJGirl
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