A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i don't know why my girlfriend left me. we were only togeather for about 4 months and it was a long didtance relationship, but i liked her alot, mainly because she was my first girlfriend. at first i wanted to get back with her but i don't anymore. i just want to know why she left me so that i don't make the same mistakes next time. well just before she split up with me i had been to see her. before i went to see her she kept telling me that she was looking forward to seeing me and that she couldn't wait, but when i was with her she acted like she didnt want to be with me, she just ignored me most of the time and didn't really try to speak to me. i tried to talk to her at first, but then i gave up trying and tried to make it obvious that i wasnt happy. before i left she asked me what was wrong, and she said that she had been trying to talk to me, and that she thought it might be better if we were just friends. i said i didn't want to split up with her, so we decided to stay togeather, and both make more of an effort at the relationship. just before i left i asked her if we were alright and she said we were and everything seemed ok.a few days after i got home i phoned her up to talk to her. i didn't mention anything to her about us nearly breaking up or the time we just spent togeather. i got the impression that she didn't want to talk to me. we only talked for about half an hour, but we would usually talk for an hour or 2. a few days later she sent me an e-mail saying that she was spliting up with me because she didn't see a future for us, and that she wanted to be friends. i asked her if it was just because of the distance, she said that it was and that was the only reason because she touught i was caring and had a good personality. at the time i didn't want to split up with her, so i asked her if we could do anything about the distance, and if that was really the only reason. she then said that she didn't have feelings for me anymore, so i asked when and why she stopped having feelings for me but she just said she didn't know. i asked if it was because of what happend when i went to see her but she said it wasn't. i could understand that she might not know why she stopped having feelings for me, but she should have known when. i asked her why she got with me in the first place, because she had been in a long distance relationship before, so she knew what it was like, and she didn't even end that relationship. she didn't answer my question. i then got a friend to e-mail her and pretend he hadn't spoken to me but he had heard about us breaking up, and to ask her why. she told him that she didn't have any feelings for me, but also that she wasnt ready for a serious relationship and that she needed some space. but this didn't seem right either because she had told me that she hoped we would be togeather for a long time, and i can't see why she could have needed more space, because of the distance.although i wasn't really to upset about loosing her (although i liked her alot) i was anoyed that she didn't have the guts to tell me over the phone, and that when we were togeather she always used to tell me she loved me (but now i don't think she really did mean it), and i want to know the real reason why she left me, so i can move on with confidence.since we split up i havnt had any contact with her (we split up about 3 months ago) even though she said she would stay in touch.
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confidence, long distance, move on, split up Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2007): Hey, what you are feeling is perfectly normal. She was your first girlfriend so those deep feelings you felt would have been for the first time, and that with her not properly breaking up with you is the reason you have not been able to move on. Breaking up with someone "properly" comes with maturity and experience with relationships and that is something she probably hasn't got right now.
Breakups are hard to do, and along with the good feelings of love and happy feelings we all need to learn the skill of just "letting go" and being able to leave those feelings behind - easier said than done, but unfortunately in a lot of relationship breakups you can not depend on having the other person do things properly for you.
I think practically everyone has experienced getting mixed signals from a partner where they can go from what they call love to ignoring you and unfortunately we too are forced to do the same. This speaks for itself, they did not love you in the way you did them.
I don't think you'll ever get a good reason out of her, I personally think the best way you can move on is to focus on the future and all the good qualities that you can offer as a boyfriend. This girl may have not been interested but I'm sure there are plenty of girls out there who would love to be committed to you - so focus on all that potential and what a great position you are in to pick a girl of your choosing when you find her, don't dwell on the past; things you may never know.
You've done really good staying out of contact with your ex for three months, I genuinely believe things will continue to get better for you - all the best ok!
A
female
reader, justice123  +, writes (24 March 2007):
let it go she dumped you no matter the reason why its over move on with your life!
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