A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 19 years old and graduated high school a year ago. I'm single and i've been looking for a relationship, but there's an issue. I like older men.I didn't think it would be such an issue. I mean, I am attractive. I run so i'm fit, I read a lot so i'm educated, I'm truthfully a nice and a funny person. I feel like I should be a catch. (I'm not arrogant at all though, I'm quite shy and get nervous around older guys because I like them and am afraid to show it).Late 20's to 30's are my type. I dated a 24 year old manager at Radioshack and a 31 year old Army recruiter and they both played me and used me for sex.What should I do? where should I go to meet men that age? (I'm too young to go to a bar). And most importantly, how can I keep and get him to take me seriously in a relationship?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2011): If you could really handle being with older men like you give yourself credit for, then you wouldn't have gotten played twice in a row.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2011): Well no matter what age the guy is it doesnt stop him from being a player. They come in all ages, shapes and sizes lol
Its yourself you need to look at, you have been played in the passed so you should recognise the signs, you'll know them you just have to accept they are there regardless of whether you really like a guy. His actions need to match his words.
You know what you want, a guy that respects you right?! so go for it, don't settle for anything less, make the guy respect you, i dont mean whip his ass into shape, but don't have sex with a guy until you know he is serious about you, this may even take months, and they will promise you the sun, moon and stars, but if they're behaviour is not true to they're word, no matter what they say they are players, but at least you will know and can move on.
Don't fall into the trap that because a guy is older he is more likely to settle down, because this is not necessarily the case, you need to stand by your principles and stick to what kind of relationship you want wih a guy and im sure the right guy will come along.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 May 2011):
 I am not sure what you mean by "dated", but in my book, dating means you're not officially a couple, you are just checking each other out and getting to know each other.
If so, why did you have sex with them? Wait with sex until you are in an official relationship, always, or else you are telling those guys that you are content with sex and dating and nothing serious needs to happen.
If you want to be taken seriously, take it seriously yourself. Don't sleep with him until you are a few weeks into an OFFICIAL relationship. By official I mean you hold hands in the street (if he's that kind of person) you tell all your friends and family that you are in a relationship, you do not date other men, you bring him along to social gatherings, and after 2-5 months you introduce him to your family and he introduces you to his family as his girlfriend and not just a "friend".
Next, take your time to find the right guy. Approach him yourself and don't just sit around and wait for him to find you, but also.. don't stress it! It can take months, or years, so find a guy that matches you well. This doesn't mean you need to go on a zillion dates with a zillion guys, it just means that it might take time before you meet someone who fits you. You don't have to find a potential partner every day, there can be months or years like I said without anyone interesting coming along, and thats normal!
I'm a catch too (you're allowed to love yourself right?) but even us gorgeous ladies will have to be patient. A very lovely friend of mine who is stunningly beautiful, educated, smart etc etc etc, has now been single for about 3 years or more. These things can take their time.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 May 2011):
 Well first of all, don't focus so much on their age. Find a guy who treats you right. TAKE your time to get to know a guy before you sleep with him, don't jsut give it up at the front door.
This is the time in your life where you figure out WHAT you want/need in a partner. So maybe spend a little more time figuring that out.
I don't personally think their age is why they used you like that, it's the kind/type man you "went" after. So focus less on age and more on the over all quality!
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A
male
reader, Hugh.J  +, writes (3 May 2011):
 Late 20s to 30s can still be a bit immature or players, but you can't necessarily know that until it's too late and you have a high emotional investment in the relationship.You could try the Internet, chatting only on there until you are sure he is into you as a person before you even think of meeting in person?Players won't spend much time just chatting, they simply want to fuck, and fuck off, to put it crudely! If he keeps chatting, and not just about sex, thew chances are that he is really into you.
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