A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I've had an online girlfriend for about three months, and we've been talking lots, and recently she made it clear she wants to move forward to cybersex. But we're both criminally shy, and when we tried I just kept talking about sandwiches, when I typed anything at all. I *want* to, but I'm just way too shy. How can I fight this shyness so we can both enjoy ourselves, rather than ending the night with a series of awkward apologies and abrupt goodbyes?And I'm around 30, if that means anything. It just makes me feel kinda pathetic, though.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2010): You know, I'm older that you, and I've only engaged in cyber with one person, but I think the thing that makes it difficult at first is that in-the-flesh sex is something that is possible to do almost entirely *without* words, start to finish.And see, alot of us never really learn how to express ourselves sexually through language. and yet if you are cybering and/or doing phone sex, it's mostly about the words, and your imagination - it takes a whole different set of skills than just a hard johnson.BTW, don't let people tell you cyber or phone sex isn't real, cause I maintain it's very real, I mean, it's obviously not in-the-flesh intercourse, but if it's done right, it's insanely real, and intense-as-hell, and extremely erotic when it's between two people who really dig each other.(Paid cyber or phone sex doesn't interest me at all.)Anyway, the key, as are you're finding out, is getting in the groove.In my opinion, it takes two people who are both highly intelligent, quick-witted, and very imaginative, cause in a way, you're entering an alternate universe where you can let out aspects of your personality that you would never engage in so-called 'real-life.'If your girlfriend is at all experienced at this, it might be easier to let her lead, but if she and you are 'virgins,' as it were, then maybe you could chat a while about who you'd like be with her, and her with you.Maybe you could try sketching out your online sexual personas, and agree to role-play, even if it feels stupid at first, cause if you know who you are supposed to be, and you know who she is supposed to be - in the context of your cybersex encounter - then perhaps it would be easier to lose yourself in it.In the end, it can be an amazing way to explore aspects of your sexuality that aren't as physically intimate - although they aren't neutral, either - but can be emotionally and psychologically mind-blowing.I wish you the best, my friend.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2010): I used liquid courage my first time.
I drank a 1/2 bottle of wine to myself one night and just closed my eyes and started talking.
I had told him that I was going to buy a bottle, that I would be drinking, but I never told him why I was doing it. During our conversation, I started with, If I was there with you right now, this is what I would do to you. There are also books you can buy to help you with certain words and phrases.
And I am painfuly shy too. Ive never done phone sex before, nor been in a long distance relationship. But it is another form of communication, and as you know, that is all you have in this kind of relationship, so keep it strong.
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