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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I can compete with these women?how?Im22,i dont get the opportunity to wear sexy clothes like all these girls do on posters and magazines, and itslike,myboyfriend never sees me in the sexy way he see's them. I just dont know how im supposed to feel good next to them?? how? and if i go cinema for example,how do i feel ok? sitting there, with my boyfriend next to me, watching some stunning sexy woman flaunt all she has ect or in a sexy scene? it makes me not only uncomfortable, but it makes me jealous and feelsmall, and shown up in a weird way, that i cant compete??? gosh im stuckIf im to be 100% honest, i really did think i would get harsh and unkind comments,as 1 person inparticular that i tried to talk to just didnt understand. Although it can be hard to understand i know.Its such a hard thing to explain, somedays are better than others,sometimes i dont even know where it comes from!!Im just 22, i shouldnt be worrying about such things, but i do, its like theres something inside of me that i dont have control over, it kills me inside it really does,i suppose it doesnt help the fact that the world has become very vain. I did know someone who felt just like me, except i didnt feel it when she did, it hit me later on in life, and i thought she was mad,how awful, and thats how i feel people might think of me, that im not rightin the head,and all it is is insecurity, thinking these women arebetter than me, perfect and that my boyfriend finds them more attractive than me. Simple fact is, ive had some money problems for quite some time,i dont get to spend money on myself, nice clothes, sexy underwear,i have tomake the best of what i have,which i do, but itdoesnt make me feel good, i know its all material,but its true, i feel, well, unsexy! we see a picture of a gorgeous woman for example, in sexy underwear,i just feel a nobody, that hes looking at her, how shes everything im not, looking perfect and airbrushed doesnt help, does that make sense? suggestive pics are 10 times worse!!i find it all very hard to explain,its deeper than what it sounds, it actually hurts me,and sometimes ive nearly cried.
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jealous, money, underwear Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2007): Oops! Yeah, I really shouldn't allow myself to continue with things like this. Sure it makes my day to day a bit more interesting, but it's so not healthy. Then again, please if anyone ever catches me anonymously, I'll give you permission to spam my inbox with excessive stories on your fantasies and such. OH NOES!
A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (5 January 2007):
 AND STOP BEING ANONYMOUS!! HAVE THE GUTS TO MAKE YOURSELF KNOWN!! Or do you not have the courage to do it?
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (5 January 2007):
AND STOP BEING ANONYMOUS!! HAVE THE GUTS TO MAKE YOURSELF KNOWN!! Or do you not have the courage to do it?
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (5 January 2007):
God, whoever it is baiting Martini pack it in. He is actually right on a heck of a lotta things.
This issue is about the individuals insecurity....
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2007): Well as far as this thread isn't about me - no sh*t? As for how I felt back in the day versus how anyone else feels, I think whatever advice and opinions I have expressed in the past on DearCupid is pretty obvious that I most often than not tell people that emotions are relative and subjective to a person's internal strength. With that said, I am trying to relate to the person's dilemma, rather than overbearingly say a bunch of stuff to try to make her see a different way.
[sigh]
You gross me out. [bows and walks away into the moonlight]
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2007): oh I knew I would get a bite, anyway I'm not going to waste too much of my time. I just want to point out Martini that this is question was not about you, so I dont care and the person who submitted this question probably does not care either ,about what you went through back in the day.
Everyone has the right to come on to this website and express there concerns or hurt about a particular topic, they come looking for answers or help or just to know that they are not alone, they don't come to this website to be insulted by being told that they are "something majorly lacking in your mentality" and "You're very vain", If a stranger said that to me I would be extremely offended.
Not everyone feels what you do, what you might think is acceptable may not be with someone else.
You don't live there life so why don't you show abit of compassion and understanding to people? instead of just insulting them. well thats all I wanted to say, oh and if you reply to this I probably won't read it because I dont want to waste my time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2007): Yes, I agree. To sum it up, it really is about attitude. If you allow externals to influence and control the way you feel, then well, to put it bluntly, it sucks to be you. I know I'm not very helpful at the moment, sorry.
However as with Ariel (I'll get back to you soon!), hey wait, I just said it down in my first post. [sighs and grumbles] "Don't listen to them, they are not women and they dont know what it is like to live in todays society and the crap we as women have to put up with." Yeah, and you would know what I went through back in the day eh? [wink]
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2007): Yes, that's right - don't listen to Uncle Martini... [sighs]
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2007): thank you anon female x x x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2007): ok first of all, there are probably going to be males that will reply to your question and they will probably going on about how its just you and your the one with the problem, dont listen to them, they are not women and they dont know what it is like to live in todays society and the crap we as women have to put up with. every day women have perfection thrown in our faces, it does not matter where we are, the corner shop, the gym, the shopping mall, there is always something. males dont have to worry as much about looks and clothing as much as women because men are not as widely advertised as sex objects. the media pray on women because they know we are more sensitive and if we dont wear certain clothing or look a certain way we then feel like we are not good enough because some men tend to be more intrested in the fake women on the front cover of a porn magazine.
I call them fake because most of the time it is, the air brushing and the large amounts of make up and the re editing on the computer can make anyone look like a super model. there are alot of women out there that feel just the same as you, I know its hard when you dont have the money, but I say dont give in, if you start dressing that way or looking a certain way then your just adding to the insecurity of others, it is just vicious cycle.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2006): They do what they do to make themselves the way they are, doing the things they do best at that moment in time. I do the things that make me the way I am, doing the things I do best at this moment in time. The only person I need to feel that I am constantly in competition with are those who directly affect what I do.
Considering what I do in sports is say mountain biking as a hobby more than a competition, the only competitor is my will-power and mental restraints. In career however, I am in competition with those who either are naturally good and 'modest' in their work or those who want to steal my position, so they are in direct competition with me.
In the looks/physique department, I don't see why I need to compete with any of them. I think the women I go for wouldn't be the type to ONLY go for 6 pack, muscle-bound guys at 6-6, has perfect skin, large hands and such. If they do ONLY go for guys like that, then it also possibly means those type of guys have killer personalities, awesome intellect, and a wicked sense of humor and ambition.
When I look at guys in GQ or in television, they have varied personalities. Some great, others disgusting.
The world isn't very vain. You're very vain. I'm sorry Irish, you might give my an evil stare for saying that, but yeah... I say you are very vain, because a lot of people like you make the 'media' the way it is. The 'media' that people talk about here are made up of insecure, superficial, money-burning, gold and platinum wearing righteously egotistical maniacs who try to beat everyone else in the looks department.
Hello! Moshi moshi! What is television? What is the sole purpose of advertisements? What is the purpose of models and actors? They are all selling themselves for the sake of making money and to gain repute by selling themselves and making more money. These things are all external. KEY WORD: "EXTERNAL".
Serisouly, if it hurts you this bad, then there is something majorly lacking in your mentality. Now, I'm not saying everyone should be the same, and have the same strengths, but hell, I'm not good looking based on the national average [laughs], but you don't see me crying over magazine models and exiling myself in some dark closet because some people think so and so guy is hot, etc.
BTW, I'm almost 28. Based on Hollywood standards, I rate at -1 out of 10. However, I just don't care. You are what you are, and you don't need to compete with anyone. Competing with anyone is a mindframe stemmed from insecurities.
Hmmm, that was pretty obvious. Someone help this poor girl. Uncle Martini is doing a rather bad job in trying cheer her up. 8]
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