A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Just looking for some advice, I came out of a very turbulent relationship a few months ago and have been texting a guy and met up with him a good few times in the last month, I do like him and would like to continue seeing him, but I have absolutely no confidence in myself in the bedroom at all, we slept together yesterday for the first time and as much as I so wanted to do it I was cringing thinking "he can see my body" he likes all different positions and I just have no confidence! I know my body is ok but he is super fit, how can I build my confidence? I had a great sex life with my ex partner, yes it took me a while to come out my shell so to speak with him too and he was always telling me the sex was great. I'd like my new guy to be able to say the same, how do I show him a good time? But feel good about me at the same time?Thanks all :))
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2013): The toughest thing on these posts is telling someone how to feel better about themselves. Particularly women with body-image issues.
Exercise, diet, and toning is the only way to be confident your body is fit. If you're not up for it, nothing said can reconfigure your mind's perception of your own body. If you don't do anything about it; then worrying about it is somewhat senseless.
No one is complaining, and the guy seems attracted to you just the way you are. You just have to get used to being naked in front of him.
Being a little bashful or modest in the bedroom is a bit alluring, and can be a turn on. Your coyness and feminine charm comes natural. Just let it out.
Why women create things in their heads to sabotage a new relationship with body image issues eludes me.
The insecurity is a built-in self-destruct mechanism that will surface and make the guy feel uneasy. What is a guy supposed to say? If he says you're fine. You probably will not believe it anyway. Having to repeatedly reassure a woman her body is fine, gets tedious. Don't kill the mood!
Insecurity kills relationships instantly.
Fake it. Make believe you're the sexiest female around. Classy and fetching. Enhance your best assets. You eyes, lips, bosom, curves, and legs. A dab of delicate sweet perfume.
That's all a guy notices alone with you. You're the one envisioning the supermodel in his brain.
Just look into his eyes and let him sweep you away. Surrender in his arms and let him pull the passion out of you. If he really turns you on, your feminine instincts will kick in. Just relax. You don't have to be perfect to be sexy.
Light scented candles, dull the lights, pour the wine, and set the mood. Just set yourself at ease.
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (5 July 2013):
Hi there. If you had a great sex life with your last boyfriend, well then there is absolutely no reason why you can't have the same with this new man.
You have said you know your body is okay, and so why worry about what he might think?
If your body was fine for your last boyfriend, it is still fine now.
Nothing has really changed, has it?
Just because your new man is very fit, that doesn't mean a thing.
He is obviously happy with how you look, and he likes you for who you are, so you just need to accept your body as being pefect - just the way it is.
Beauty is only skin deep, and what is inside, is what really matters.
Just accept yourself that you are perfect just as you are, and that everything is perfect.
Whenever you allow yourself to worry about how your naked body looks, well then you don't give yourself a chance to shine and let your personality sparkle, the way it should.
No-one ever judges us more critically than we judge ourselves.
This is the truth, I promise you.
We often pick faults with something about our physical appearance, and yet no-one else even notices them.
Just love yourself completely, and accept yourself unconditionally.
And confidence is something that all people find very attractive in others.
And men find confident, independent women, very attractive and also very sexy.
And being truly confident is like a people magnet.
Instead of wondering how you think you look to this new man when you are naked, why not just focus your mind ONLY on having fun and enjoying the moment.
Because, NOW is all that we have - so don't spoil it for yourself.
Life is way too short.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2013): I think that feeling good about yourself is one way to show him a good time :) Have an open mind and worry about enjoying yourself and that will probably make him the happiest anyways.
It will take some time to feel comfortable with someone new if you are used to your ex, but give it time and it can be comfortable with someone new too.
Are you just not confident because he is a new person, or are there specific reasons you don't feel confident in yourself? If there are specific reasons you could try addressing those individually whether its a mental block or how you feel about yourself physically, etc.
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