A
female
age
51-59,
*uliab
writes:5 yrs ago my husband and I got married. he had 2 children 14 yr old twins Mitchell and Megan. I love them like they are my own children but I feel like I have done all I can for them. Mitchell is a smart, talented boy that some where along the line has gotten off track. He dropped out of university, is addicted to drugs and will hurt who ever he has to to get what he wants. My husband and I have tried everything, we put him in several different drug rehab programs, tried interventions at home, you name it we did it. Mu husband has cleared out our bank accounts on more then one occasion to pay for rehab or pay of his debts. He comes home high / drunk and starts fights in front of our 4 yr old son. He has broken furniture, punched holes in our walls and stolen my credit cards. My husband and I seem to be alwyas at each other when Mitchell is around. He recently quit yet another drug program yet my husband let him move back home. I am beyond tired of it, I'm tired of him comign home high, worring if I will get a phone call that he over dosed. I sometimes think it would easier to just pack up and leave. How to I explain to my husband that his son is ruining our marriage?
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male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (18 March 2011):
 You're in one of the toughest situations possible. Dealing with addiction is incredibly challenging; as a step-parent even harder. It sounds like your husband is enabling his son's behaviour, so things will never get better.
A couple of suggestions for you. Check out Al-Anon:
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
This is an organization dedicated to helping those who are affected by someone else's addiction.
I suspect that a bit of time with Al-Anon will help you to know better what to say to your husband, and whether things have really progressed to the point where you give him an ultimatum about leaving.
If you and your husband get to the point where you're on the same page about how to deal with Mitchell:
Very few treatment programs have great success with addictions. One that has a pretty good track record is the Alberta Adolescent Recovery Centre:
http://www.aarc.ab.ca/
Their program involves the whole family, which is probably what you need at this point. Their treatment program has controversial elements, but has one of the best success rates going.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2011): You dont .... You treat the kid like he was yours...yes yours...Would you give up, if ye were the mother that birth him?...Sadly if any of your kids ended this way I'm sure you would have a different take...Its sad that this comes with the territory...trying to make your husband chose between you and his own flesh and blood is wrong....If it were your own kid how would you feel if you husband asked you to chose..Think of it that way and approach the problem like you were his mother....I know it's hard but it proves to your love and selflessness to your marriage and your husband
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A
female
reader, juliab +, writes (18 March 2011):
juliab is verified as being by the original poster of the questionshe passed away when he was 8.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (18 March 2011):
 Where is the boy's biological mother?
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