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age
30-35,
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writes: I have a 5 year old daughter. From the time she was born till she was 2 my best friend Craig was always there for her and I. My daughter called him daddy, even though he really wasn't her dad.Craig died when my daughter was 2 and ever since he died my daughter has asked where her dad went.I really don't know what I should tell her. When she was younger she would just ask and then not really care for an answer but now she does. What would you guys say? Oh and I'm 18 by the way.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2011): Keeping paternity secrets usually does more harm than good in the long run. I thinks she needs to hear the truth as soon as she is old enough to understand that a man is necessary for the pregnancy process to start.
In the future DNA types will become more and more important for medical purposes. The truth will not stay a secret forever.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2011): I knew from when I was very young (my father left when I was a few weeks old) that I didn't have a father... I think 5 is young for you to expect her to understand the full issue.. what helped me, as I got older, was knowing that my father wasn't here because (in your case at least) he was very sick... but that he loved me. I guess the big thing is that a "dad" is someone who loves you, not just a sperm donor. You could tell her that he was very sick and he loved her very much, but sometimes people have to go to a place where they aren't sick anymore.. I don't know what he died of but I don't think she needs to know at this point either. As time goes on you can be more specific.. but for her own peace of mind, as long as she knows he loved her.. just my opinion.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI should have been more specific and the title isn't even close to what I had put as the title of the question. Ok so my daughter knows he wasn't her dad but she still wanted to call him dad and he was fine with it. Her real dad has never met her because he doesn't want anything to do with her or me.
I just don't know how to tell her that the guy that was always there for he died.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2011): Tell her the truth!
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 August 2011):
 What about telling her the truth? Why isn't that possible? You can touch the truth up and make it look nicer (if daddy is in jail say he's working in another country for example).
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female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (3 August 2011):
 Is there a reason why you can't tell her the truth about her real father? As you haven't stated in your question.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2011): This is the perfect opportunity for you to tell your daughter the truth. Better to do it now while she's still young; the longer you leave it and the older she gets, the more she'll struggle to come to terms with it when she finally finds out. Because she's still young, you have the advantage of being able to keep the explanation simple too. You really do have to be honest though - everyone deserves to know who their parents are. Good luck and take care x
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