A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I have been seeing a girl for a few months and it is starting to go really well. At first she had seemed distant and unwilling to be in a relationship. We had a big argument early on when she flipped out at me one morning for seemingly no reason. Later we spoke and she said it was because I didn't cum during sex the night before and that she couldn't be in a relationship where she felt she was the only one getting pleasure in sex and to feel that she needed me to in her words "cum hard inside me, not just moans and groans". I tried to explain to her that whether I climax or not I love sex with her and sometimes it can go past the point of climax for me because if I let my self orgasm early on I can't get it up again and I don't want the sex to end. She told me that it stemmed from a previous relationship where her last boyfriend had erectile dysfunction and it made her feel worthless and unattractive. I assured her that there was no-one I had ever found more sexy and attractive.Anyway after that I made an effort to make sure I gave her an orgasm with my tongue before intercourse so I could orgasm myself when I needed to without worrying that she hadn't got there yet.Since then she started to seem happier not just with sex but in general as well. Our relationship has grown and we have become much closer. In the bedroom she has really loosened up mentally, she no longer seems to have her self esteem tied up on whether I cum inside her or not which is great because I feel I can relax now and enjoy myself and it has led to what I hope is great sex for both of us.There is just one problem, and I feel bad for feeling it is a problem. But since our relationship is staring to go really well and I feel I want to move it to the next step and make a commitment, it is something that I really need to sort out.The problem is that I do almost everything in the bedroom. Now I love everything about sex and can honestly say that going down on my girlfriend is something that I look forward too. But every time we have sex I always initiate it with kisses down her body and oral sex, or with a massage. If she is horny she will say something like "I think it's about time you took my clothes off for me" and then lie there and wait for me to pleasure her. Now like I said I love giving massages and giving her oral sex but I want her to be into me as much as I am her. Now to be fair to her when we are having sex she will often take control and get on top. She has given me a hand job once after sex but I literally had to put her hand on my cock for her and start the motion before she would take over.Now to the honest truth of the matter, blow jobs. I don't want to be selfish but we've had a lot of sex now and she has never given me a blow job. I mentioned it in some dirty texts we were sending once and she seemed to react positively to the idea but a month later and still nothing. Now I know this may seem shallow to some people but i am very concerned because I really like this girl but I definitely can't give up what I feel is an important part of sex for me. The main problem I have is that I don't feel like I can broach the subject with her without her inadequacy issues coming back, i can't say to her ''I love everything we do in bed but....'' Because I'm worried that that 'but' might be something that sets her back from the happy, beautiful, sexy woman that I really like to be around. So bottom line how do I encourage her to initiate sex once in a while and to pay me the attention every now and again that I pay her every day?I'm sorry this was so long and I hope it makes sense! Thanks
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female
reader, llifton  +, writes (8 October 2013):
 You said that you moved her hand one time after sex and she gave you a hand job. That seemed to work for you. Now I'm not saying you should move her head down there lol. But maybe if you somehow, after sex, mention how much you'd like it if she did "that", she will get the hint and not take offense since you already had an orgasm and she isn't feeling vulnerable.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2013): Some women assume that they have to take the submissive role in sex. They assume that's what men want or society has implied that sexually aggressive women are loose and easy. BULL!!! It's all about tone and timing when talking to someone who'S over-sensitive or insecure. Simply ask her to feel free to take charge. You love and trust her and it would turn you on if she got things started. Ask her how she feels about giving BJ's. Some women find it repulsive. She might be a little sneaky; and playing a little coy to get her own way. Don't let her off the hook so easy. That old insecure stuff is also a way to manipulate.Asking is the best way to get what you want from a partner.She told you what she liked and added the drama to play on your feelings. Now it's your turn.
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