A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,ive been living with my boyfriend for a year and he is seperated but not divorced from his ex wife. He pays her a huge amount of 'child' support every month and we know that she doesnt spend it all on the kids. She kept the house which is real big 4 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms and until now the kids have stayed with her and with us at weekends and holidays. everything has been fine , except for a few falling out over how much money she wants and where it going..now she wants the kids to come and live with us permanantly but she still wants the money from my boyfriend. She works full time and so do we both, but we dont have any capital and we rent a smaller appartment with only 2 bedrooms. There is one 14 year old, one 17 and one 19. They are all in full time education.We are happy to have the kids living with us , although i find it hard to lose my freedom and our future is gonna be difficult- this wasnt how i thought it would be! Im very happy with my boyfriend and i get on well with the kids.Anyway, what i want to know is, is this right, that he should still give her that money when we dont even have what she has, plus now we ll be spending even more on looking after them in a smaller place that we rent because we cant afford to buy?He bought the house that she is living in.And then would the kids spend weekends with her?is it normal sometimes for seperated women to not want their kids in their house anymore? And why?Please , i hope someone can shine a light on this situation, am so confused.I want to do the right thing, and i also want to understand.thank you.
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divorce, ex-wife, his ex, money Reply to this Question
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female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (29 September 2008):
 At the end of the day the money isnt just to 'spend' on the kids, it should go towards providing a home for them which includes paying the mortgage, rates, providing food, clothing, electricity, heating, holidays, birthdays, treats, school trips, health care, christmas, school meals, after school activities etc etc etc etc etc etc. When you are a parent the list goes on and on and on and what may seem to you like a huge sum of money is not that huge. My ex thinks he should only pay for clothes etc and doesnt realise the massive expense I have each week, each day there is something the kids ask for and my new husband pays and provides (and luckily is happy to do so) as my ex thinks he already pays too much. It doesnt even cover the kids share of the food let alone anything else.
So if your bf thinks he is paying over the odds let a family court sort it out, it is not for you to decide. As for having the kids live with you then turn the table and ask for some money from her. I dont know what the laws are where you are but here it may sometimes be necessary to keep the ex in the lifestyle she was accustomed too. What you also have to remember is that he is their father and it is right to have to pay for them, he helped bring them into this world and has an obligation to them whether he has another woman in his life or not. Yes it is sometimes hard for the men to get a good standard of living when they pay a lot to their children's mother and doesnt always seem fair but its not the kids fault and they shouldnt suffer.
Im not being heartless, I just see both sides of the story and would probably be peed off if my hubbie had to pay his ex-wife anything (they have no kids so he doesnt) I could raise my ex's money but understand the need for him to also provide a home for the kids to visit so try not to ask for too much even though it really is a pittance x
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (29 September 2008):
 Your boyfriend needs to speak to a lawyer ASAP. Sounds like he is getting screwed, blued, and tattooed by his ex.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (29 September 2008):
This is a matter for the family court, not a bunch of people on the internet.
If she is working full time and has not lost anything by marrying her husband career wise then he owes her nothing and she must pay to help support the kids. If she gave up a job to raise his kids and cannot support herself because he promised that he always would, then he will have to keep supporting her financially.
If they both paid for the house and bought it together then they will have to sell up and split the cash.
Good Luck!! xx
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