| A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My girlfriend and i had been together for two years, mainly long distance.In the end it got so hard and there was no hope of being able to live in the same city anytime soon so i broke up with her.She was shattered, truly heartbroken. For a few weeks she begged me to take me back, even flew across the country to beg me but i said absolutely not.Two months went by, several times she sent me messages saying she wasnt coping and loved me so much. I didnt really respond.Then finally i realised i did really love her and we started talking. She told me straight up that she had drunkenly slept with two guys, a few weeeks after i dumped her and then a month after that. I thought i could deal with it and a month ago moved to be with her. Changed my whole life to be with her.Now she is so happy, treats me so well and is totally faithful and loyal and supportive. And to my shock is now pregnant with my child.I want to move on but am obsessed with thoughts of her with other guys. She has only slept with 3 other guys in her life so is hardly a slut or anything. I wish i could stop thinking about those thoughts but they haunt me. I have a real chance at happiness with a wonderful woman and am now seeing a psychologist and taking medication to try and help me but i cant stop obsessing. I really dont know what to do and im about to destroy everything if i cant deal with it.Please tell me it will fade with time or ill go mad. Please give me any strategies oro advice. Please.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2012): Maybe you felt in control or powerful when you were the one who broke up with her and to refuse her multiple times when she was begging you to take her back. So maybe your identity is based on feeling that you have the upper hand in this relationship since it was you who decided when it would end and when it would restart and how many hoops she had to jump through. So now that you learned she had slept with other guys it threatens your sense of being the one in control of this relationship. You are disturbed that she apparently can do just fine without you if needed which is contrary to what her persistent begging had led you to believe.
A
female
reader, Deagan  +, writes (1 April 2012):
 You broke up with her, she was single, so she was allowed to so whatever she wanted.
You two are happy and are now have a child on the way, so why are you so hung up with something she did while you two were broken up? Why should these images of other guys haunt you? She's with you. Only you.
I would like to think these feelings will fade as you two start to strengthen your relationship and start preparing for your baby. Get your priorities straight. By getting back to together and after deciding you two want to move forward into the future, you have to leave the past exactly where it's supposed to stay- in the past.
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