A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My situation is probably kind of trivial, but at the moment it's bothering me a lot. I work in a bar and I know most of the clientele pretty well. I used to hang out with a lot of them before I worked there and they got to be fairly good friends - not best friends or anything, but the kind of people that you call up and go for a drink with. Anyway, there's this one girl. I never really knew her all that well, she was a friend-of-a-friend, and then we got to talking and the rest of it and exchanged phone numbers and started hanging out too. She's the drama queen type - you know, lots of relationship problems, lots of phone calls at 5am to ask if you think she's pretty, if you don't reply to her text message within ten minutes she throws a fit. Also, I'm a lesbian, and she can't seem to get it into her head that that doesn't necessarily mean that I'm attracted to EVERY woman I see. So she's always hitting on me and trying to touch me up, and frankly, I can't stand it. She's straight; she just likes the attention.Well, it turns out that she's just as demanding when I'm working. She calls me over and over to ask for a spoon, or sugar, or to see if I can turn the radiator up, or to see if I can turn it down, or can I change the music, or can she have another lemon slice, or do I think her hair would be better up or down, or can she have a straw for her beer because it's funny... etc etc. It's too much. I work alone and when there are a lot of people it's just too much. So sometimes I tell her to wait five minutes before I get to her. Okay, fine. Annoying clients, you get them. But when she's vexed, Lord, does she show it. Tonight it happened again and I told her to hold on, and then she threw a fit and was crying all night and telling everyone that I hated her and screaming at me whenever I came near her, which I had to do quite a lot, seeing as I was working. Professionally, I'm not sure what to do. Normally I would just back off from someone like that, but the problem is that the more I back off, the more riled she gets, and we have a lot of friends in common. Since my best friend started hanging out at my bar more often, this girl has latched onto her and now calls her at least five times a day. Any suggestions? I know why she acts the way she does, but it's putting me in a difficult situation. Thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your help! Sadly, I AM management, and can't really bar her because if I do the whole group will stop coming and they make up the backbone of our regulars. It would cause a huge rift and be too much. If she keeps it up I'll try taking her apart and talking to her the way you said. Thanks a lot. I hope it works, she's really driving me nuts.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2007): Hi Love,
You have to tell her the truth I had a friend like this that I took care of while her mum was in hospital and she demanded all my time, Tryed to make me feel guilt all the time if I wouldnt speak or answer her texts straight away, It came to a point were I just had to tell her that as a person she was good at heart but she didnt have enough confidence to see this so became very stressed with other people and I thought bordered on a personality disorder.. She finally listened after I got very angry myself as I was trying to help and she just turned into the bitch from hell I told her straight she needed to speak to a counsellor about her obvious attention disorder and deap hidden insecurities, She took me seriously in the end and got help.. Some people cant take advise even though you only mean the very best for them so if you have done your bit then just leave it and get on with your life. As hunny she will always have someone to cry and complain to and it will go round in circles as someone else will get fed up and tell her anyway and she will end up with no friends who really care... Put it to her like this in a calm nice way if she freaks just walk away hunny. Good luck with love mandy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (24 November 2007):
 Personality disorder me thinks
rational is not in her capacity-stand up to her and dont worry cos if she behaves badly enough you can site it to management and have her barred, it may be the only way to deal with this god awful twat
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