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female
age
,
anonymous
writes: I have always had a complex about my eyes, they are very sensitive and tend to go red very easily and i have bags under my eyes though not massive ones but i am aware of them. At work the maintenance men who come occassionally have recently being making comments about them, remarks such as oh you have lovely eyes, which i know they were being sarcastic but i ignored it and carried on being pleasant but inside it kills me. Yesterday when i made cup of tea for them and took it out and was having a brief chat, the one said it again while i was facing his colleague, i noticed a grin on the colleagues face and turned my head around to see the other one pretending to stick his fingers down his throat and be sick, i was the one who felt sick! I am not talking about teens or young men, the worst one is about 60 and the other 40. I am 50 years old and have got over a stroke and thanked God every morning when i have woke and i have another day with my children. But these remarks are making me ill, i know i am not ugly but feel it. I never slept last night over it and wish i could let it go over my head, i actually cried over it when they left. How do i deal with this, I know i will see them tomorrow again, they know i saw what they did and I feel as though they are just sneering at me, and yes i am aware i am now parranoid about it but I take things to heart.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2008): Oh and i forgot to add, well done for rising above it and being polite as usual rather than rising to the bait however now it is time to ignore them - the more contact you have with them the more it will wind you up. No one deserves to have sleepless nights over thoughtless comments of people at work. xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2008): For goodness sake don't make them any more bloody tea! (No really - NO MORE TEA!). God they sounds ghastly, ignorant and awful. And I bet they're all really unattractive as well. I would completely ignore them and mention to their and your boss that you find their behaviour unacceptable. How dare they. Re the eyes, there are lots of things you can do about them I think. Try the chemist/GP/health shop for something to reduce the redness (could it be allergy related? if so you can get some good eye drops for this). Everyone gets bags from time and time and there are things you can do to reduce puffiness etc .. Don't expend any more energy worrying about these oiks, definitely don't make them any more tea - instead spend the time and energy finding a remedy for calming your eyes it must be uncomfortable when they get itchy (i get hay fever so i know). Keep your pecker up! xx
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids  +, writes (15 February 2008):
 You haven't said which country you are in!!
If you know what they are like, why are you making them cups of tea? Best advice is to avaid them.
Anyway, if you are at work in the UK the behaviour from these guys is unacceptable and preventable. Talk to your boss. Print this post off if you feel uneasy about describing it to your boss. How you have described it here is fine.
Good luck, Richard
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2008): Personally I would completely ignore those guys - no eye contact, no smile, no hello - nothing! They have served to make you feel uncomfortable and they do not even need you acknowledgement. When you blatantly ignore them they will realise their actions are out of order and will certainly stay away from you and not make those immature remarks anymore! It will perhaps even make them feel like the idiots they clearly are!You sound as though you have had a rough time lately and perhaps a good ego boost will be just what you need to build your esteem. When you go to work or out or whatever take care to make yourself feel good and look good. As a girl I know when I am down doing my hair, putting on a little make up, a nice outfit or whatever starts giving me that ego boost I need. Put on a bit of music I like when I am getting dressed to further lift my spirits. So perhaps you need to pamper yourself also - you will start feeling good on the inside as well as the outside; no matter what anyone else says or thinks. Why not treat yourself to a trip to the hairdressers or get a new outfit...I am totally not saying this to you that you NEED to look different or a certain way for other people- but just from my experience when I have spent time looking after myself it does lift my self esteem.About the bags this is part of life and I think most women get them when they get older. So you can either accept it and love yourself nonetheless or try to cover it if it IS bothering you too much. I have dark circles under my eyes and have found a concealer that hides them perfectly. Perhaps you can go to a big store with diff make up artists and brands that you can get help trying. It will certainly help covering them up - there are amazing make up tricks out there. Also there may be creams on the market to help.About the redness in your eyes, if they are actually sore and irritating to you or itchy etc then I think you should see your doctors about it.Anyway hope that helps and good luck with it all.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2008): oh my, it's actually amazing that guys of this age are still acting like ignorant playground bullies the joke is on them. These men are clearly shallow, cowardly and malicious and the bottom line is that they are bullies so i think to stop them, just ignore them completely and they will get bored cos they're not getting their petty little kicks out of taunting you, but same with any bully i used to be somebody with no friends and always the same people constantly coming up to me saying "larry" and "whose your best friend?" at first it really upset me but in the end i turned round said "you're original aren't you?" cause thats all they think of, same old insult but from then on just blanked them and they stopped completely after a while. without a doubt this works and apart from stopping them you'll also forget completely about them soon. take care x
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (14 February 2008):
 Hear no evil, speak no evil and see no evil.
Think of them like monkeys for they do not know how to talk except to mumble gibberish. Just ignore those hurtful words and they will give up when they don't see any response from you.
If they said something hurtful, just laugh back at them.
They shall reap what they sow.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (14 February 2008):
 Oh, first, a cyber hug (((())))).
You must not let their hurtful remarks bother you so much. Hold your head high when you see them. If you can, if they comment again about your eyes, look straight at them, and say that you're fully aware they are not your best feature, and that insincerity and spite are far uglier personal characteristics. Then turn on your heel, and walk away, head held high. Do not speak to them again.
I don't really mean for you to do this next bit, but it is a nice little revenge fantasy I'm proposing. Again, this is just a mental exercise to make you feel more in control of your interactions with them. If you make them tea again (though heaven knows they don't deserve any nice gestures) wait until they've drunk at least half of it, then tell them you put something extra in it to thank them for their kindness and sincerity, especially as they seemed to getting sick yesterday! Just imagine how they'd spit it out! They'll worry about that all day...
You must ignore their unkind remarks and focus on all you've done with your life and your success in overcoming your medical issues. After all, they are just maintenance men who obviously have nothing better to do than torture vulnerable people.
Don't let yourself become their victim, they'll tire of it when they realize you're going to ignore them completely.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (14 February 2008):
 Report these stupid ignoramuses to their Superiors and have the last laugh on them. I know their comments are cruel, turn round and say to them. "If you can't be civil to me then don't even waste you breathe talking to me and you can get your own tea next time".
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