A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi Cupids, Wanting to see if I could get a bit of advice about how I've been feeling at the min as it's quite isolating. I've been noticing especially through lockdown that whenever i'm anxious I have huge waves of paranoia which I keep in and really messes with me. When I drink alcohol (which is not often at all) I usually lash out at whoever because that rationalisation is not telling me to keep al my thoughts in. For example, I live with housemates and I constantly think they're bitching about me behind my back. I constantly think my boyfriend wants someone else other than me and my friends just don't actually like me. None of them give any major reason for me to feel like this. Usually, when something bothers me I will avoid confrontation at any cost. This might mean that I will just not talk to my boyfriend for a couple of weeks until the feelings pass. Or being in my room at the house, not eating or drinking because I don't want to see anyone. Does anyone know how to deal with paranoid/anxious thoughts? Should I go to the doctors about it? Does it seem extreme? For some reason this feels so much more embarrassing and even shameful and i'm not hugely sure how to manage it. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2021): This is something that needs a bit of extra help as there are some very good non addictive anti anxiety medicines available.There is no need for you to torture yourself over paranoid feelings that no one really likes you.Your boyfriend must feel totally confused when you hide away to avoid him.Maybe you could send him a text telling him something like: I feel lousy right now so I'm taking time to myself.That way he could at least think of ways to communicate and be kind to you.Some feelings that we have are instilled into us in our earliest days and not everyone has the time or professional help available to them to re-align their emotions.So they just suffer silently.When seeing medics it's not always easy to convey what you're trying to say in five minutes.Key words to use are : can't sleep at nights due to anxiety.They will automatically sit up and take note.There are some very harmless medications that are less than £7.00 available over the counter and they not only allow you a good night's sleep but greatly reduce paranoid thoughts and anxiety.You really don't need to feel bad about this.Also you may possibly be depressed as well and there are many harmless medications that are supposed to lift you from the low levels of your mood.But start with getting a good night's sleep with a teeny bit of medical help as it will transform your unhappy mood to one of greater positivity.Also try to keep abreast of one or two political events so that you can talk about external events when you don't want the focus entirely on you.I'm sure you are not a bad person but anxiety and unhappy thinking coupled with a lack of decent sleep could make anyone a bit too irritable to want to communicate with others.The happy side of you is just waiting to have the energy to share happy times with others.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2021): Noting that you live in the UK, the high-anxiety during covid-shutdown and house-confinement during the spread of one of the worst strains of the virus might make everyone somewhat frightened. I think a visit or video conference with a doctor is overdue. If you've been behaving this way for quite some time, it might behoove you to seek counseling and medical evaluation sooner than later. Reachout to covid helplines as well.
Meanwhile, there is no excuse not to attempt to use some self-control. Unless you are on the verge of a severe mental-meltdown, well beyond your ability to control; you have little excuse for your bad-behavior. You can't excuse mistreating or abusing anyone! You can make convenient excuses, but there will be consequences. Your roommates will either call the police; or suggest you find someplace else to stay. You're not the only one dealing with this pandemic.
Isolation gets to everyone. There is no law against stepping outside for fresh air, and a stretch. You should get an exercise and meditation app. You need to exercise and distract yourself with something other than your boyfriend. I speculate there are underlying mental-health issues you've always had, but never sought any treatment for.
Stay within the suggested health-guidelines, face fines, or legal-ramifications. It seems to me you had ongoing-issues before covid safety-requirements. Jealousy and paranoia aren't necessarily related to covid-confinement; but I can see where existing mental-health issues would not only be triggered, but somewhat aggravated.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2021): Hi
Yes, you need to seek some help, this maybe due to extreme stress because of the pandemic or alcohol related and this only masks the real problem anyway. Your paranoia does sound extreme( to me anyway) and needs addressing one way or another. You will have a rough ride through life if you always have these thought patterns and create misery for those who have to live with you. Definitely try and keep things in perspective, lay off the alcohol and read some books to try and understand anxiety and coping skills, and triggers. Please do seek professional help when the time is right.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (9 February 2021):
 1. stop drinking AT ALL. If you have such negative behavior when drinking then perhaps NOT drinking is advisable and common sense.
2. If this is out of character for you, GO see your doctor. He/She can refer you to mental health professional.
3. You can't really have healthy relationships by hiding out in your room and not talk to people. I think you know that. You are bottling all your emotions up - maybe that is why you blow up without reason here and there? It sounds like your general coping skills are not great right now and you NEED to figure out why. So start with a doctor visit and go from there.
4. Also... meditation and exercise can really help your overall well being, so that is something else to look into. You don't have to join a gym, get a yoga mat and find some YouTube video's for beginners and set aside time for this. It's not a CURE, but just something that can be good for you too.
5. are you in contact with family and friends? If not, would that add some positivity to your life? If it would, I'd say go for that too.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2021): I have similar issues and I've also noticed it's heightened during the lockdown. My advice is to try out a few therapists until you find a good fit that you feel comfortable talking to. There are underlying issues there and alcohol brings it out.
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