A
female
age
51-59,
*lskitten
writes:Ooops i posted a question on 'am i being petty about my brother' havent had any replies yet but things have progressed. I have fallen out with my mother now. And my older sister has fallen out with our mum too. My brother is 25 and isnt working at the moment, hes into coke and drinking every night and has been working with my ex boyfriend for cash in hand. But usually gets money out our mum, she said atleast half her wages over the last 6 months has gone on his rent etc.My brother hasnt said 2 words to me since i split with the ex except when hes txt asking me to lend him money and to come and use my internet and when he did that he didnt mention the ex or how i was. He was angry that i had finished with the guy and the guy had taken off to Spain to stop wih his parents. which meant no work for him for 2 weeks.Now i wouldnt let my bro come over to use my internet today, my mum says ive stopped talking to my brother cuz hes still friends with my ex, i tried telling her this is not the case. I still talk to 2 of my brothers exes, go out with 1 of them, so theres no way i would want him to stop seeing mine.My gripe with him is the fact he hasnt once asked me how i am since the split, only time ive heard from him is when he wants something. 2 weeks ago money and the internet twice. Yet anyhing ive said to my mum about my ex has got back to my ex via my brother.My ex dropped my brother at my mums on friday and waited outside in his car for him, my mum went out and told my ex he doesnt need to hide from her.It just feels now that my ex has caused a lot of problems and we have all let him. We split cuz i couldnt trust him, and he admitted he lied after we split.It was my bros birthday friday and i sent him a happy birthday txt, didnt get a reply.My sister hasnt really spoken to my bro for years because of his lifestyle and the fact hes always asking our mum for money cuz any he has he spends on partying.Mum says we have both shut our brother out and we're not bloomin perfect either!I feel for my sis cuz she lives 60 miles away and doesnt have a clue whats going on! She didnt send him a birthday card but we havent had one from him ever! But mum says thats cuz hes a boy and it wouldnt hurt us to send him cards.My mum tonight has told my sister on the phone shes out her will and put the phone down on her. i put the phone down on my mum too in the end, telling her i always felt shes got more time for my exes than she has me.What do you think is the best thing to do now.Anyway she wasnt having it and said me and my sister never care about our brother.Hes always been a spoilt sod, hes 25 going on 15. And i used to be close to him up to a few months ago, which was before me and the ex split. I even said to my mums boyfriend back then i was getting fed up with my bro, he doesnt care about anyone but money.Any thoughts?C xxxxxxxxx
View related questions:
money, my ex, the internet Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2008): You know i hear you.. For the longest time that was me... i was the guy involed with drugs and drinkin alot and my bro helped me out all the time he always gave me money i would lie to him, and now i feel like shi@ for doing that to him.. he was going through the same thing you are now.. but thankfully i did get through it.. he has never left my side no matter how shitty i was to him. he was just very disappointed in me. even to this day im trying to make it up to him. i never want to go through that ever again. i hope i gave alittle bit of hope to you. but what i would say is show him what he would miss if he didnt have fam that is willing to help him out. its almost said but i had to hit rock bottom before i woke up.. hope i helped prob not but theres always hope
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (30 July 2007):
hlskitten is verified as being by the original poster of the question Many thanks for the reply.
She knows deep down hes bleeding her dry, and ocasionally says thats it i cant keep giving him money! but he knows she doesnt mean it now, cuz she does go giving him money again.
Yes hes the youngest & has a different dad to my sister & i.
She has appologised to my sister in txt last night,and said she will ring her in a couple of days so thats good.
I dont think me and her will speak for a while. We fell out a few years ago when i split with the kids dad because she thinks i should put up with men i think.
Although she never did when we were young!
Anyway thanks again.
Im keeping my distance from them. We all have our own shit to deal with at the moment. My sister lives where the floods were & still hasnt even got water back on. Thats not her fault & she has to get on with it.
I just dont see why we should be pandering to my brother when his shit is all brought on himself.
C xxxxxx
...............................
A
female
reader, LauraE +, writes (30 July 2007):
Hi,
Your brother is still your mum’s little boy isn’t he? I assume he is the youngest?. This kind of thing is difficult to deal with because you can’t make your mum see how biased she is, she just can’t see it. He is so used to being mummy’s little angel that he probably thinks you are being a mean old cow by not giving him everything that he wants as well. I bet he has never been taught to think of anyone but himself, and this is the result.
Thing is, you can’t change this. You aren’t the one treating him like a child. You can’t make your mum stop giving him money, or any other things she does for him. I would back off a bit. Don’t be the one to fall out with either him or your mum, just give them less opportunity to get under your skin. Stay good mates with your sister – you can support each other. Send birthday cards if you remember, it’s no big deal. I send them to my brother, and he never responds, maybe that is a man thing.
I wouldn’t lend him money at all, because you will be encouraging him to sit on his backside and do nothing to help himself. I know this from experience.
I wouldn’t worry about what your ex has to do with this – he’s a minor detail.
If you ever find yourself on good enough terms with your mum to give your opinion, just point out that your brother will never learn to stand on his own 2 feet while she keeps handing over money. Don’t push it though, just say your piece and then leave it. That’s all you can do.
...............................
|
