A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I feel my parents don't care about me only my brother who lives with them. They pay for everything for him all his bills yet I don't get any help at all and pay my own bills. I feel not part of the family no matter what I do paid for lots of things for them and help out with cleaning but he pays nothing does nothing and he's treated like a king. I feel like stopping contact with them I feel like a stranger. I feel they are clicky when I walk in the room I feel an atmosphere and they stop talking. I really need help. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2019): Sibling Rivalry is such a destructive emotion. If it has not happened yet it is certainly heading that way, and trust me, it ruins families and trust. Other side f the coin: My BIG sister who I admired respected loved and looked up to, apparently secretly resented me for years because she felt our parents gave me more attention than her ( Logical reason because I was always in trouble as a teen) and while she felt sorry for herself for NO REAL reason, she deliberately ruined our relationship forever and created mayhem throughout the whole family. It breaks my heart today that she felt this indifference and I did nothing wrong to her (knowingly).A rift that just does not seem to mend, we are strangers now for no real reason. I despise sibling rivalry and all it stands for, and very aware of the path it creates. Grow up! and get on with life and love and don't ruin family or make people feel guilty because of childish pettiness. So he gets treated like a king,is this not better than him been treated with disdain.Sibling Rivalry, break the cycle now, before its too late. You both should grow up and be independent and stop bugging elderly mum and dad.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2019): My brother is older than me and he's really nasty to my parents yet they do everything for him cook, pay his bills and he is so abusive back to them fits of rage shouting, swearing, bashing thinga I am nothing like that peace ful yet they treat him great and me they don't even visit unless I visit them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2019): Your parents are from the old-school generation when the birth of a son was a father's choice. Having a son first normally meant the family-surname would be passed-on to future generations. Having a girl-child first, meant you would keep trying for a son. Then there are matters of culture and tradition, based on ethnic-origins.
Those days are past. People aren't so choosy. They just want a healthy baby.
You've lived to be past 40, and you're still rivaling with your brother?
If you envy or resent your brother, that's an issue you've decided to fixate over. The only argument you have to prove that your parents prefer your brother, is what you say in your post. It's insufficient-evidence, if you ask me. All hearsay.
Paying his bills doesn't necessarily mean he is favored; nor does the fact that he is male. You could have developed your envy and rivalry with your brother for many different reasons.
This is your post, so you get to trash your brother anyway you like. You get to characterize your parents as showing favoritism to your brother. We don't get to hear their side.
For all we know, your resentment for your brother is because you wanted to be an only child. He may have a sweeter personality than you do. He may have been easier to raise as child than you were. The fact is, your resentment for your parents is your issue to deal with so late in life.
I come from a large family. My siblings and I all have different personalities, and our parents dealt with us based on our uniqueness, and our age. Some required more discipline, some more affection, and some of us were quite independent. I never knew who was favorite, because it never mattered to me. I loved them too much to worry about it.
There may have been complications during your mother's pregnancy, or during birth that scared them; or he came at a pivotal time in their marriage. In spite of his mooching and laziness, he sticks by them like glue. They enjoy taking care of him. You can interpret that anyway you like.
I noticed you failed to mention his age. If he is younger, you may have resented him from the day he was born. You may have been a very rebellious child; while he was more obedient and affectionate towards your parents. He still lives with them; so they know somehow he'll take care of them. Of course you'll say he's a lazy bum and doesn't do anything for them. They just love him for being male. Sorry, but that's a hard sell.
I take these kinds of posts with a grain of salt. They're too biased to call; or to be fair to those who don't get to tell their side. They can't defend themselves. This is far too subjective.
Your parents are still your parents. Paying your bills isn't proof someone loves you; any more or any less. If you do things for your parents! Great! They're your parents. They gave you life, and took care of you until you could take care of yourself. If you don't like helping them. Stop!
They are aging. You resent them for the way they love your brother. That's more your problem than theirs. If they do in-fact like him more; maybe they have their reasons. I guess we'll never know what those reasons are. Too much information is left-out to establish that it is factual they like him more. That might be your own perception.
If you feel you can just cut them off; do it if you think that will make you feel better.
You don't mention how your brother treats you. I would assume your resentment has always been the wedge between you and your brother. You don't even mention whether you love any of them in spite of any of this. Then I could assume there's something to what you feel.
You're old enough to deal with this anyway you wish. Cut them off, ask them why they make you feel like an outsider; or you can just forgive and love them. Just accept that they feel closer to your brother; and just toss all your resentment aside. Just love them, and accept them as they are.
There's too much left out of the story to know where your feelings are coming from; and why your parents would make you feel so unloved. At this point, they're too old to change. You're the one who has to live with her resentment.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (25 January 2019):
 You are in the age group of 41-50, so why should your elderly parents pay YOUR bills? You are a GROWN up!
They pay his bills because they know or think he can't be out on his own. They have in essence babied him (made him into an "eternal" child") who is dependent ON them. He is dependent on them for EVERYTHING. If he also is in his 40+ then are doing him NO favors. It sounds dysfunctional that a grown man in his 40's are still living with his parents.
If you don't want to CLEAN for them for free, then stop.
If you have paid for things for them and you can't afford it, then stop doing that.
For whatever reason they see him as helpless and a child. They see YOU as an adult who can take care of her own.
If you don't feel part of the family, then make your own, in a sense. With friends and people you enjoy being around.
They are not going to change, any of them. So accept that this is how they are and that it's NOT you.. it's them. Let it go and move on making YOUR life a good one. With or without them.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2019): I assume you are not married and you still live with your parents. My experience and I am married and have three grown up kids. The two older ones are married and have their own families and kids. One of the married ones is not so well off and struggles along. He gets the most help from us. Why? Beause that is how God/Nature made us. Parents always care more for the weakest of their offsprings. That doesn't mean at all that they don't care for you. They do, believe me. They probably think you are the stronger one and you can stand on your own two feet. And believe me deep down they admire you and proud of you more for who you are.
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