A
female
age
41-50,
*alyda
writes:I have been spending sometime with my fiance's parents while he is away for work. They are very nice people but I noticed that my father in law is a control freak who wants things his way. Everyone in the family including my 37 year old fiance is scared to disagree with him. He treats everyone including his wife like a child by telling them what to do all the time. And uses pressure to get people to do what he wants. The other thing that really bothers me i that he talks all the time non-stop!!! You barely get to say your opinion and he never forgets where he left off!! He can go on and on about a topic picking up other stuff to add on. I feel so drained when I am around him to the point where I can't stand the sound of his voice anymore.My fiance and his brother a so different from their dad. They are soft spoken, quiet and considerate. Now I understand why they never tell anything to their parents. I told my fiance that I can't deal with his dad talking for long periods of times and he completely understands where I come from. His younger brother won't visit his parents and won't even pick up when his dad called. Instead he asks his wife to do it! After 3 weeks with his parents I am ready to run away! His mom is the most patient woman I have ever met, for being married to him for 44 years! Apparently he (my father in law) grew up on a farm and his dad was very strict and growing up he had no say in anything. I mean he is nice most of the time, and she told me he softened up with age but it is so hard for me.Anyway I know maybe his doesn't do it on purpose so I need help on how to remove myself from the conversation when I am stuck in a room with him or on the phone.Thank you!
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (8 March 2011):
 If you're marrying into this family there will never be an escape from your future father-in-law. You will just have to cope with it as best as you can, what better way to start now?
Before I married my husband, I was engaged to another man; his parents I could absolutely not stand either of them. So whenever we would go over there for dinner, I would mentally remove myself from the conversation and day dream so to speak. Physically, I would nod, smile but I mentally I was somewhere else. I would think about my job, errands for the next day, upcoming events, holidays, just anything in general to tune out my in-laws. Luckily, my in-laws now, I absolutely love.
Really, that's the only way to handle him.
A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (8 March 2011):
 I had a similar situation. My (now) wife’s father would go off on tangents while I was standing at the door waiting for my girlfriend. He was a very intellectual guy, anxious to share his latest revelations with pretty much anyone, and not all that socially adept. I recall standing in the doorway in my winter clothes being courteous while listening to him, and after half an hour sweating from being overdressed as he went on and on. I found it intensely draining, and wondered, like you, if I could really put up with it.
If your f-i-l is like mine, all he wants is an audience. He wants someone to at least pretend to listen to him, which his children have long since ceased to even pretend to do. He doesn’t really care if you digest what he has to say and give back an intelligent comment. The occasional “uh” or “oh really” is quite enough. That’s giving him more than his weary family do, and it’s quite enough. You’re only being asked to listen, as interminable as it might be. Put up with it and you’re the golden child, the wonderful catch for his son.
Check out innumerable posts on DC about horrid, meddling in-laws. Your f-i-l is easy to deal with, he’s never going to mess with your life, your relationship, your kids. All you have to do is smile and zone out while he talks, and occassionaly come to and acknowledge what he’s said. There are a thousand posters on DC who will envy you.
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