A
female
age
30-35,
*iskababy
writes:My husband and I have been together for a few years now. I don't really question his being physically faithful. We spend our weekends together, he rarely hangs out with friends or looks secretive on his phone. The other day i was going through pictures from his phone he backed up on the computer and i saw a screenshot of his picture from a different Instagram name (not the one I know of).. He said it was from a couple of months ago when he switched his account name, but I know its not true because none of the people who liked it were his friends from his real account. So out of nowhere he grabs his phone and starts doing smith on it while trying to distract me with small talk, then he goes to the restroom with his phone. Meanwhile I check the account I just found out about on the PC and it says its private (of course!). When he gets out of the restroom I try to ask him more questions but he keeps telling me the same lame story. So I go to check that instagram one more time and BOOM it got deleted. I confronted him but he just kept saying he didn't delete anything! This is THE SECOND time I catch him with a secret private profile (last time he was talking to girls and said he just made that account up to gain followers). What do I do? Im at the point right now of telling him to go F himself but I understand breaking relationship over social media is silly. Im thinking of telling him to get a break from each other until he decides to tell me the truth. What do you guys think? Is he cheating? Or is it a no biggie?
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 June 2015):
 This is the SECOND time you've caught him in questionable fidelity??????? Are you such a baseball fan that you will extend him ONE MORE STRIKE before you declare him "out"???
Or, can you foresee that he really isn't all that faithful, after all.... so, maybe you shouldn't wait for the next pitch????
Good luck...
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (11 June 2015):
 Is he lying to you seems to be the bigger question, as you don't believe he's physically cheating. If you aren't concerned that he's physically cheating that begs the question, are you concerned if he's emotionally cheating or perhaps even going outside the boundaries of fidelity set my most couples?I would not be okay with this. What do you do? That's really up to you and your comfort level and your vows....Trust but verify. Have you ever heard that phrase? Find a way to apply it to your marriage. Assuming you want to try to save it. What do you what to do? Save it or say buh-bye to husband of "a few years now." I'm not really seeing the signs that you are besotted and unable to think for yourself.Me? I'd say, "buh bye, hope things work out for you, hubby. In the future, don't hedge your bets by keeping secret profiles. That's a shi*tty thing to do. How do I know? Because you did it to me and it's dishonest."Do go get checked for STIs.... He may be more active than you know. Sorry that he's such an ass...
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (11 June 2015):
 If you break up over this, it would not be because he opened a secret instagram account. I assume his account was used for flirting, and not for selling a business or gathering a fan base if he's a performer. He would have told you what it's for instead of hiding it. If there's a reason he feels a need to flirt and to play the field, it would be because he got married for the wrong reasons and is not enjoying marriage life. He wants the kind of illicit excitement that only outsiders can give.
He does not want to talk to you so taking a break would not be a bad idea. I can see your anger and it would be a good time to calm down. He knows what he's doing is wrong and unacceptable in a marriage, so it would also be a time for him to decide if he wants to stay in a marriage because if he wants to play the field he might as well be single. You shouldn't have to tolerate his flirting and advertising himself in the market.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2015): He's your husband, not your boyfriend. You can't just take time-off from a marriage unless you legally separate with the contemplation of a divorce. With all the controversy these days about what the true definition of marriage is; and laws to restrict the rights of some individuals to do it, seems the things married people do to each other defies all logic. The wanton and arbitrary behavior between married-couples, of all ages, is so contrary to the purpose of taking vows. You may as well sign a term-limited renewable-contract; with sanctions and penalties for violations.
You confronted the man with the facts; and he played you like you're a fool. You've already seen the incriminating-evidence. You don't really need his confession. He deleted the information, and you've caught him talking to girls in the past. He flat-out lied to your face. You've found hidden accounts.
How many times will you let him off? If there are no consequences, there is no reason to stop.
This is where you offer him a serious ultimatum. Let him know you are seriously considering a divorce, and don't make idle-threats. What's the point?
Address the issue point-blank. Inform him that he has betrayed your trust but once again; but for the final time. You know what you've seen with your own eyes. It's time to stop playing games, and to take action. Nothing burns my edges like being told I didn't see what I've seen with my own eyes!!! You may as well call me a fool to my face, and pluck them out! Don't let him passive-aggressively pretend you're crazy. Don't let him pull that old trick! It's older than water and dirt!
You're between 22 and 25? I would assume you were boyfriend and girlfriend for some years before you married? I doubt you've been married for that many years.
Perhaps this marriage has run its course; and you've both been together so long, that you missed-out on that period most young people enjoy being single and dating different people. If you don't get that out of your system before your marriage; it most often will hit one, or the both of you at some point. You feel like you've been together too long, and you didn't get to enjoy being single long enough.
That usually happens when one of the couple was pressured into marriage. Not saying that was your situation. It also happens when people think just because they were high school sweethearts; that means they are predestined to marry. So they do it. Like it was a matter of fate.
Put your foot down and let him know if he's going to be a liar, and destroy your trust; you're seriously considering ending it. Just "taking time-off" will give him time to fiddle-about behind your back; while you stew over what you've caught him doing. Call a lawyer and get your legal ducks in a row. Bring him to his knees, and make him take your marriage seriously. Don't stop until your see blood or tears.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (11 June 2015):
 OMG! you mean people arfibbing on their profiles? Isn't anything sacred...See what Facebook started... LikeI have been saying since day one. ALL these stupid social media fiasco sites are a product of the FB phenom that allows everyone to pretend to be someone they are not. You should not be shocked that dear hubby has been swallowed up in this trend You should be shoke that he is only twelve years old though.
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