A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is extremely depressed at the moment. He has a history of depression, and has gone through phases like this before in our relationship, but it's getting much harder lately. I've taken psychology courses, and there is a history of depression in my family, so I know he just needs me to be there for him, but I don't know how much longer I can do this.Today he came home, and is depressed because he feels his coworkers and friends don't appreciate him, because he is the one who plans get-togethers, and because he never sees nice stuff that they write about him online. I tell him I care about him, and appreciate him, but he says it doesn't count.To make things worse, we're in a long distance relationship. His birthday is coming up, and I'm going to see him for it, I booked the flight a week ago. I'm terrified of heights, and I spent hundreds of dollars on plane tickets to see him for his birthday, and right now I feel like it doesn't matter to him at all. Like some coworker saying something nice about him in a blog is more important to him.Anyway, I'm not going to end this relationship, certainly not over this anyway, and I understand what he's going through, but how do I keep from resenting him for it? Talking to him about it is fine when he's doing well, but when he's like this, one or both of us could easily wind up saying or doing something we'd wind up regretting later. How do I keep my sanity?
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female
reader, Sambuca Queen  +, writes (26 June 2009):
 Oh wow, Im in the same boat as you sweetie. Its 11 months me and my gu have been together and his depression started about March. Hes been depressed before and pulled out of it.
We work together, which doesnt help either. As Kate mentioned, they do see others as more important then you. My guy is all happy and smlies at work with people, then snappy or quiet with me and his mum. But I know he doesnt mean the things he says due to the depression.
Yeah, I also believe the weather plays a HUGE part in this aswell. He hates the rain and tends to be abit of a mopper. Would rather stay indoors and watch TV or something.
My guy tends to act bit miserable round me, but I do my best to be upbeat and posertive with him as you cant let it get the best of you!! Yeah some days he can be a complete and utter dick, then others he is fantastic.
You are not alone hun and its made me more posertive knowing others are going through this as I felt so alone and clueless.
Lauren xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2009): Who wants some loser moping around the house all the time feeling sorry for himself? Real men don't act this way.
Annie
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2009): Well, bit of an update. He was doing pretty well actually for a few days, and then made plans with coworkers who bailed on him without letting him know. So he's bummed out today. But, on the plus side, it doesn't seem like he's doing as bad as he was.
As for myself, I'm doing fine, I'm not worried about him, or feeling bad about his depression. Maybe in a few days, if he stays like this, or gets worse, I'll wind up feeling hurt by something he says because of his misery. But right now is fine.
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A
female
reader, hands_down317 +, writes (8 May 2009):
 The weather can have a huge impact especially when it is grey and raining out. That kind of weather doesn't send out positivity lol. Something that might help for the first little while is get out and be active, I know its the last thing he wants to do but it does help, getting fresh air and moving around makes it hard for the depression to just hover over him.
I know what you mean about nagging and I think you're doing the right thing, I mean if you're not worried about him hurting himself then I think the meire suggestion is fine, if you do start getting worried (not saying that you will) but that's a good time to push him. Maybe if he's like this when you go see him for his birthday, maybe yoou guys can go for a run, or even a walk. Walks help.
One thing I've learnt is that depression is contageous. So when you're around him, or talking to him, watch for signs of depression in yourself because that's not healthy for you either. It's not a break up situation but for now it's just something to think about.
Take care, if you need anything message back
Kate X
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009): Thanks, Kate. We've been together two and a half years, but knew each other for two years before that.
While it can get fairly severe sometimes, I'm not at all worried about him hurting himself, when he gets like this he's really just too lethargic to do anything to himself. I think it might be a bit of a seasonal thing, as he was pretty bad this time last year as well. It is also nowhere near as bad as it was before we met.
He isn't taking anything for it, nor is he seeing a counselor. He has considered it in the past, and I keep hoping he will. I suggest it occasionally, but I don't want to nag him. He is doing a little better today, although he is still depressed, but he's got a few days off, so I'm hoping that will do him a little good.
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A
female
reader, hands_down317 +, writes (7 May 2009):
I'm sorry you're in this situation. I suffer from a major depression disorder and my boyfriend is bipolar so I can sort of relate to you. The important thing to remember is that you can't pull him out of this depression, that's something he has to do on his own. And do not take on his problems because that will just emotionally exhaust you and you will fall depressed.
I'm going to guess the reason that he acts like he's acting like his co-workers are more important than you is because he know's you'll always be around. (I don't know how long ypou've been together) but you know how it's easier to get mad at the people you love because you know they'll forgive you.
I think he just needs time, he'll pull out of it, the most you can do is listen to him because just venting can help. Just be sure to watch for any signs of severe depression (aka suicidal tendensies, or him acting like he's worthless) because that needs to be delt with clinically. Sorry I can't give you more advice, I'm not sure of your guys' emotional relationship together. Just know that he does care, he's just depressed and it's hard to see clearly when you're in that state.
If you have any other questions don't hesitate to message me
Kate X
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (7 May 2009):
 Is he taking anti depressants? He needs to get professional help! He either needs to go to the doctors and get prescribed anti depressants or if he is already on them then he needs a higher dose. It may also be good for him to see a counsellor, they are great to speak to as an outside spectator! The only other thing that you can do is to not have contact with him until he gets help and starts appreciating you, I know its harsh but you can't lose sanity!! X
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