A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid, I feel like my dad is very controlling and it's uncomfortable for me being that I'm a 19 year old woman. He is someone who doesn't like people and has something negative to say about everything. He works from home so he is ALWAYS home and knows all of my business. He doesn't like me going out and doesn't want me to date. He's very old fashioned and is still living in the past. I sometimes think he just doesn't want me to be happy, because he's not happy. I went out last weekend after work and the next day I overheard him tell my mom he thinks I'm doing drugs. I'm even concerned that he may be going through my room or my personal belongings while I'm not at home. We used to be close when I was younger but it seems as if hes changed or has become upset that I'm growing up, which I don't think is normal behavior. I wouldn't say I'm scared of him, but I'm definetly uncomfortable, and I really hate that I'm uncomfortable in my home.
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (30 November 2016):
 Honestly, this is totally normal. The only difference is that many dads would allow their 19 year old to date.Ask your mum if you can put a slide lock on your door. Don't stay out late or get drunk. Ask to spend family time together. Behave as you'd want to be treated - maturely. Being mature means also not assuming he's miserable.I know it feels like it sucks, right now, but appreciate that he cares. It may feel limiting, but it really is normal and fairly healthy. You feel you're growing up and he feels you don't know as much as you think you do - both are true.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 November 2016):
 I think it is normal, he is struggling to see you grow up. It is hard to have your own space when you are still living in the family home so why not look to rent accommodation or ask your mum can you put a lock on your door for privacy. Try and be respectful to their rules and don't be out all night. Be honest with them and remember it will not be forever.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2016): P.S.
Way too many young women have never had a loving dad around to complain about. So many absentee dads are out there that don't give a hoot.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2016): This is how a father behaves when his daughter is growing-up. He is afraid he will lose his parental-authority, misses you being his little girl; and in a nutshell, he's just being a dad. He's pushing his weight around knowing he's losing his hold on you. He sees the world as it is changing, and it's not as simple as it used to be. He wants to be sure you're prepared for it without him and your mother to be there to protect you.
He knows you are now more independent in thought, and likely to make your own decisions; and ignore his influence and demands. He will also judge you by your maturity-level, past mistakes, and now much good judgment you have proven yourself to have. If you act like a little girl, he'll treat you like one. He will never stop being your father; even when you're in your 60's-80's, if he's still around!
Until you are financially-independent and move-out of the house; he can and will check your room. You can only assume he is going through your stuff, unless you know that for sure. Why would he just jump to any conclusion you're doing drugs? Too bad we don't get to read his side of the story.
Let him be dad. Most of the stuff he does now, you're ignoring anyway. Your parents have a right to be controlling as long as you're in their home and dependent on them financially. They are also legally responsible for you until you are 21; unless you legally emancipate yourself. Many do, and fall flat on their rebellious ungrateful snarky little faces.
Be patient with him. If you love him as much as he loves you, you can put up with his over-protective ways.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 November 2016):
 Well, there is the option of moving out. That way you can live your life as YOU see fit.
For many parents, the rule is: "when you live under their roof, you follow their rules".
My guess is he is scared that something could happen to you. There are SO many stories on the news and in the media about YOUNG women getting hurt. He might think by trying to keep you home, you will be safe. And he might not like the notion that you are growing up because he doesn't know how to relate to you. In a sense, you have outgrown the dynamics he knew and was used to. honestly? I think it's kind of "normal" (except the going through your room thing, that is not cool)
If you have things in your room that is none of his business, birth control, condoms, diary and that sorts get a foot locker and a lock on it.
He is who he is and he is not going to change. So work on SHOWING him that you ARE a young woman not a little girl.
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