A
female
age
51-59,
*ANETTE
writes:I have been in a relationship for 3 years. I recently moved in a year ago with my 2 daughters. During one of our break ups he had sex with a so called friend, results a one year old son. Even though i tried to hang in their it was very hard. I truly believe he is sorry, but it's hard to get beyond the infidelity of his affair. I can never erase it because he has a baby that he has to raise. I became someone that I hated. Everytime the phone rang i would check the caller id, or if he was gone to long i would pick an argument, and accuse him of seeing the baby's mother. I know he is truly sorry, but the pain, hurt, and anger is still there. Last week i moved out, and everytime he calls, i more angry now, than i was before. Now i don't know if i can even be his friend, I love him dearly but I want the pain to stop. Should I cut him off all together, or should i still continue to be his friend and talk to him?
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female
reader, NANETTE +, writes (30 November 2009):
NANETTE is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would like to thank you all for your advice. Right now I am taking the time to focus on myself and my 2 girls. This time away has given me the opportunity to examine this relationship, and realize Yes, I love him, but I will not continue in this relationship as it is. I'm tired of being a live in, and am ready to get married in the future, whether it be to him or some other man. So right now I'm seeking couseling for myself and if he's the one, we will be married, and if not we will go our seperate ways. I only talk to him on occasion, and said no longer will sex be a part of this friendship. Right now I need time to heal, without the confusion of sex. So at this time I am taking it day by day. Living in the moment!
A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (25 November 2009):
 Not only did he cheat, but there is now living, breathing proof of his betrayal. You have every right to feel as you do. I can't tell you to move back in with the guy in spite of the affair: only you can make that decision. However, understand that staying together means accepting the child. Will you be able to nurture this child when he is in your home? Will you resent having to get out of the bed to take care of him late at night? Are you going to be able to deal with having this child's mother as a permanent fixture in your life?
You have every right to walk away from this relationship if you feel dealing with the child, and the ongoing contact with his mother, is more than you can do. No one can blame you for this. This situation is still very new and you need time to heal; put yourself and your feelings ahead of the need to retain any type of friendship with this man.
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A
male
reader, deaconblue6969 +, writes (24 November 2009):
first you need to seek counseling because you yes YOU have a problem its called paranoia and,whether you stay or go with him you now have trust issues and you will carry that with you if you dont get help ..so first things first get YOUR head right before you try and deal with this relationship and let him know thats what you need to do.Secondly after your on the right track with your trust issues you have to ask is this relationship worth salvage if you truly love him then its time to grab him up and get yourselves into a family counseling session and take it seriously these are NOT problems either of you can fix alone ..and thirdly youre going to have to forgive him in the end and learn to enjoy and love yalls new baby ask yourself this if (and i dont know) if the two of you had bee dating while your girls where young and hed said boy i really resent that you have kids from someone else ?? just how fast would you have scrambled for a cab and headed home?? if you cant love this baby who deserves a good father then you cant love him ...and believe it or not its not abnormal for a man to seek out someone that can pick up where their broken relationship (yours) left off unfortunatly it ended up in a child he probably very much did (and does) love you and dealt with that way (all be it the wrong way)
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A
female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (24 November 2009):
 Best to let it go and move on. He has poisoned your life by screwing around, (OK, so you were having a break up, but if he was at all upset about it he wouldn't have been porking the first woman willing to open her legs, especially one stupid enough to allow herself to become pregnant from a one-night stand). I'm not surprised you can't get over it. His actions have inflicted that woman, who is a permanent reminder of his scummy behaviour, on your life forever. You need to stop kidding yourself that this guy's worth loving, because he sounds like a total moron. Good luck :)
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