A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have met the most wonderful guy ever. I have totally fallen for him after years of rubbish relationships and I love him wholeheartedly.He has a young daughter with his ex and he never gets to see her despite trying over and over to be civil with this person. Its so hard watching how this affects him on a day to day basis. He misses his daughter with every piece of his heart and when he stops working or being busy you can see in his eyes he's thinking about her and missing her. This is hard enough for me so I cannot imagine how he feels having never had children myself. This weekend she popped out of nowhere with an invite for him to have her for the morning on the understanding that I, the new girlfriend, didn't spend time with her which I understand. Thing is we work together so I was there the whole time as the 'receptionist' only. I don't mind this at all I mean whatever it takes to put a smile on his face I'm happy with. The thing was all his family came along to see her also as they miss her too. They were all at the workplace with us and all the kids and when my partner wasn't in the room they were all chatting about his ex and how this all came to light as they've co texted the mum also. Turns out she wants my boyfriend back and is playing cards to make this happen. Now I'm fairly confident that my boyfriend won't allow this to happen as they've tried before and it never worked and apparently I make him happier than he's been in years. But they were talking about what it would mean for him to be able to see his daughter regularly and how they'd all like to invite her over on boxing day to spend the day with the daughter. Meaning my boyfriend and the ex spending a Christmas holiday playing happy families with all his family. They had this discussion quietly but in front of me. Bare in mind that I am am understanding person and if he wanted to do this so he could spend the holidays with his daughter is step back but I can't help but be a bit devastated. This is our first Xmas together and we were seeing his family on Xmas day and mine on boxing day and after years of having partners that have not been interested in being a part of my family and me rolling into their lifestyle I thought this year would be different. I know they spoke to my partner about it in quiet while they were together because I accidentally walked into the office and heard them saying he needs to think about his daughter and do whatever the ex says to keep her sweet as I may not always be around but his daughter will. I totally understand the theory of that but I'm gutted. They were even talking about inviting the ex on Xmas day! When I would be there. I just dont really know how to tackle this. Its made me feel quite insignificant and I'm having a massive internal battle over how this should make me feel and what the right thing to do is. I would never EVER make him chose that's for sure and if bow out if he decides to get back with her because of understand his drive to see his daughter is frontmost. I just don't know what to do and how to deal with this situation.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 December 2017):
 I think he needs to contact his lawyer. Have you spoke to him about how you feel and what you heard? I think you both need to talk, off course it is going to make you feel pushed out if she is clearly admitting she wants him back. Your boyfriend needs to reassure you and he also needs to stop his ex playing god with that poor childs life. It is her that will be hurt because her mum is using her as a tool. The best thing he can do is get legal advice.
A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (10 December 2017):
He needs to see a lawyer about an enforceable visitation schedule. This will solve that problem.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 December 2017):
 All he needs to do is contact a lawyer/solicitor and set up a visitation schedule. IF he is paying child support/maintenance it shouldn't BE a big deal to work out a schedule. ONE parent can't set all the rules UNLESS the other has agreed to it. And if this EX-GF won't let him see the kid - HE goes to a lawyer/solicitor and then negotiates a visitation schedule.
If he is NOT paying child support/maintenance - the rules might be different (not sure how that works in the UK) but he STILL is the FATHER. So yes, he SHOULD have right to see his kid.
As for the whole Christmas debacle - talk to him. See what day he CAN come spend time with you and your family if he can't make it for Boxing day.
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