A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I live in a small rich town where there are a LOT of people in their 50s and 60s, I'm here because it's cheaper and nicer than the nearby city. I'm a female student in my 20s.I get hit on regularly by older guys (I'm talking the ones in the 50s and 60s!) with no wedding ring so who are probably single - at my part time job in a shop here and at the gym etc. I have male flatmates and friends around my age and they don't get this from local "cougars", nor do my female friends who are less baby faced etc. get hit on as much.I'm not offended by them hitting on me bc of the age difference, or even the fact that these older guys are ALWAYS unattractive/out of shape tbh (I get all kinds of guys in my age group hitting on me) but the way they do it. They are weird, socially awkward and don't know boundaries which can make me feel unsafe. I saw one guy at the bus stop recently who refused to back off once I made it extremely obvious to anyone who wasn't retarded that I wasn't interested, said I was texting my boyfriend (we're in an LTR unfortunately), etc. This guy was obese and not exactly Clooney either, not that I'm arrogant but I'm told I'm attractive.. but he acted like he was entitled to bother me till I told him off and to respect my personal space. Before people start no I don't dress skimpily nor act flirtily but I have a baby face which I suppose makes them think they can get away w this behavior. Maybe older single women are like this too, I'm not talking about hitting on younger people which I can understand bc biology but just the general social awkwardness and no manners. But it seems to be more older single men.. maybe because all the "weirdos" naturally end up single when older bc women won't date them even when they are young? I'm living here till the end of summer, so how do I deal with guys like this? I am assertive and most guys my age know how to take No for an answer.. but most of these older single guys do not. They also have a staring problem even though I dress quite conservatively. My manager at work had to ban a few guys from the store/cafe, because they were just sitting there and looking the girls who worked there including me up and down all day.
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at work, cheap, flatmate, flirt, older men, text, wedding Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Been there Now over it  +, writes (10 July 2017):
Most men will look to see whether the woman has a wedding ring before they flirt. Fake rings are very inexpensive at discount stores or on eBay. If your co-workers wonder how you got engaged so quickly, you can tell them the ring belonged to your aunt and uncle, your all-time favorite relatives.
A
male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (8 July 2017):
 It seems to be more acceptable in the UK for men the do this and the old wolf whistles thing and even slapping girls on the behind, it is like as if women should expect it and accept it, It is like the girls that get raped and they end up been judged for what they dressed in on that day,
I think your idea of single men and "weirdos" naturally ending up single might be right, they don't even see that they have stepped over the line, and the fact these guys have nothing better to do with their time does not help,
I think you are best to just point them out to your manager at work and let them deal with them, while you try not to make eye contact with these dirty old men
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2017): Being young and attractive is hardly a crime but inappropriate behaviour is.
If you feel your safety is compromised consider relocating because you are entitled to enjoy your summer too.
Feel free to call the police if things get out of hand but be sure to use the emergency number
otherwise your call will be buried at the back of the list.
If you are being sexually harrassed you dont have to put up with it.
It is not part of the job!
Register a complaint with your boss and imply you will sue for damages.
Make it quite clear that you will not tolerate sexual harrassement !
Its nothing to do with having a baby face!
It is to do with guys trying to have a laugh or feel good about themselves at your expense but your time and your safety and your feelings are as important as anyone elses so put your foot down and tell them to "Back off!"
And refuse to answer any personal questions about yourself, your relationship and your sex life.
Tell them " That is intrusive!"
Also "mind your !manners!"
Treat them as grown up kids and speak to them each time telling them "you could show a bit of respect at your age!"
Be very disapproving of their antics and if you feel your safety is compromised find a better location with a job that doesnt include sexual harrassement.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 July 2017):
 If you can, you ignore and walk away.
If you are in a place where you can't walk away, (like at work) just be polite and ignore. If they say things that are INAPPROPRIATE (not just trying to chat you up) SAY it loudly. "Sir, you are being inappropriate please stop."
I worked at a 5-star hotel in London when I was 18. I can't tell you the number of men (of all ages) who would hit on the female staff. I worked the front desk (mainly night shift) and it was a CONSTANT thing. Businessmen and tourists alike. In my case telling people to "go F themselves" wasn't an option, we were told to basically SUCK it up, be polite and if we could to make an excuse (so we could leave and fetch a MALE manager). It was ridiculous how some men behaved. Thinking we were there for their entertainment.
Since I wasn't allowed to outright be rude, I learned to make the "Eww I'm so disgusted right now face" that USUALLY did the trick. No one told me I had to smile while ignoring their behavior.
You are ONLY there until the end of the summer, personally, I would suck it up at work, IGNORE them (as best as you can). Why? Because it's not likely these men will change their behavior. They are a bunch of entitled asshats. When you are NOT at work, I would shut them down the MINUTE the start anything. They are NOT entitled to anything from you. So if you sit at the bus stop and some slimy dude comes sit WAY too close get up and move. If he gets up and follows you tell him to get lost.
If someone harasses you at the GYM, go to the front desk and let them know.
Seems like you already know what to do. My guess is you are just frustrated that it doesn't work all the time. Like, Phil says you REALLY can't control what others do and these guys are "old dogs that CAN'T learn new tricks".
Honestly, OP? LET this be a lesson in life. don't take shit from others while knowing that there ARE times you have to ignore other people's behavior. and then there ARE times where if you have a superior being inappropriate don't be afraid to use the HR and do something about it.
Accept that some people are asshats.
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A
male
reader, Phil052 +, writes (7 July 2017):
 It sounds to me like you are dealing with this just fine as it is. You are assertive when you need to be, without being rude. You don't dress provocatively and you don't lead these men on. Unfortunately, we can't control the behaviour of others, we just need to develop plans for dealing with it, and I'm not sure I can suggest anything that is different to how you have been acting so far.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2017): Carry pepper spray or wasp spray my favorite because it squrits a farther distance.Take a self defense classes so you can protect yourself.Always be aware of your surroundings.Creeps. will always be out there.Go to the store and buy a cheap wedding band for when you work.I tell you all of this because someday you might run into someone who will not take no for a answer.Then you must use your loud voice and say get away from me you creep you are old enough to be my grandpa.Embarass them be loud.I just do not understand these old guys who pick on young women.Newsflash you old guys are nasty and we do not want you.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (7 July 2017):
 Could you tell us more fully please what you mean by being hit on? Are they being chatty or sexually explicit?
The reason I ask is because in the past there have been instances of women being offended by builders giving them wolf whistles and calling to them. Some other women aren't that offended and rationalise it as a form of appreciation.
You could indeed be living in a town of weirdos and, if that is the case, I suggest a move to somewhere more normal.
While any healthy male might check you out - it's instinctive - if you are drawing the wrong sort of attention I'm trying to figure out what is going on.
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