A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating a guy for about 3 months, and things were going pretty fabulously. We both use "Love", and we both talk about the possible future together. Then we were doing a "relationship status check", and he said his only issue with the relationship was my physical appearance. He even admitted that he is sometimes embarrassed by me.I am chubby. I am fairly confident with my physical appearance, I get hit on, I have been in relationships with guys who are very attracted to me when I have looked worse. I am taking this really hard, I am very hurt. It is very important for me to be with someone who loves and accepts ME, not my physical appearance. He is upset that he hurt me, but says he was just being honest, and really doesn't want to break up because he sees a future with us. I don't know if I can be with someone so superficial. Advice? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, duskyrowe  +, writes (13 June 2008):
 I will tell you about my experience.... My ex partner of eight years used to make fun of my weight callong me Fatty Boom Boom. ( I was 10 stone and 5ft 4). Now I weigh approx the same and my present boyfriend thinks I am sex on legs. Its your bf who has the problem not you. So ditch this insensitve jerk!!!!!
Most men I come across like a woman with curves, Marilyn Monroe was a size 16 and she was the hottest Hollywood star.
My fella is Greek and they like women with a bit of meat, women like Kate Moss does absolutely ZILCH for him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2008): You don't want to be with somebody that's superficial, well I don't think this guy is superficial, I think he's a deeply honest person. If you look at your post, you are probably the one who's superficial and judgemental at best.
Would you rather he lie to you? He thinks your overweight. He probably prefers slimmer women, that's what he likes and what usually turns him on. But something about you made him want to be with you rather than the slimmer women he usually prefers. He likes you, and he choose you, no matter what you look like and what size you are.
You decided to push this when you started the "relationship status check" thing. This is a time when you ask for total honesty about what you could do to improve your relationship. He told you what you could improve to make your relationship better. He told you, and you got angry. That's not fair, either you want the truth or you don't. If you don't then you shouldn't have asked the question.
Like q1605 said this is a woman's question that any sane man should avoid. Similar to "does my backside look fat in this dress?" Unfortunately your man is not intelligent enough to lie.
Relationships are based on choice, you choose to be with somebody because overall they present the best package and make you feel good when your with them. There are no perfect people, everybody has something about them that other people hate and find unattractive. For your guy, it's your weight. If you were as truthfull, you would admit that there are things you don't like about him as well.
Finish the relationship if you want to. Find a guy who likes larger ladies or knows how to lie better, then you can avoid the hurt your feeling. Alternatively, try to loose a little weight or ignore the issue and be comfortable in the knowledge that he loves you and chooses to be with you no matter what size you are.
...............................
A
female
reader, silvia{love}  +, writes (13 June 2008):
 i know how you feel right now. i have been in the same situation you are before. is it all of a sudden your physical appreance started bothering him?gal like they say everything has a reason. if he really loves you then your appearence shouldnt matter should it?i mean.......what about your personality?
if he is insensitive towards your feminine side then i think there is more to it than''am sorry but i have to be honest with you''. if he loves you he wouldnt say anything to you to low your self esteem or make you look bad and feel bad about yourself.if he truly loves you he wouldnt be embrassed by you because ur his soulmate.
i would advice you to call him and tell him how you feel.
ask him why all of a sudden your physical self is actin as a barrier in your relationship
there is no need to keep hurtin yourself by bottling his words to you and actin like evrything is okay when infact they are not. tell him how you feel and how hurt you are and most importanly....ask him if he still loves you.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2008): Since this man says he loves you & he regrets what he said I don't know why you're calling him "superfical." It's no secret that men base ALOT more on physical appearance than woman do. That's a given. However feelings of love towards a woman don't really influence a man's ideal image of physical beauty. The two are separate for men. He is a complete IDIOT for saying what he did. You just don't say stuff like that! I dunno what he indended to accomplish other than damaging the relationship. But I wouldn't say he's superficial because he seems to place value on your relationship
...............................
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (13 June 2008):
 He says he is embarrassed by your appearance and wants a future with you? No. Start seeing other people now. This is the red flag. I wonder how controlling he is going to turn out to be when it gets more serious. Is he going to slight you every time he sees you eat? Is he going to get insulting?
What kind of a man would want to build a future with a woman he is embarrassed by? Either he is a liar or he is dysfunctional.
You can surely do better.
-Frank B Kermit
www.frankadviceforwomen.com
...............................
|
