A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, For a few months now I've known this girl (K) through one of my closest friends at work (D). I knew she was important to him so I tried to get to know her and be very friendly. However, recently, a lot of negativity has been directed my way. She is very clearly jealous of my relationship with him, a little delusional about their own relationship, thinking that I am a threat to this great intimate friendship K and D have. What she doesn't seem to realize is that D and I have been extremely close for about 5 years now, and continue to be much closer than the two of them have ever been. But constantly she is trying to prove to me that she is far more important to him. Now, it isn't only directed at me, she lashes out and anyone who comes too close, but this is generally me as D and I are always together. I have tried not to give it much thought and consider myself pretty above all the drama most of the time, but it's getting ridiculous as well as taking a major emotional toll on me as I have come to realize that the friendship I had with this girl was fueled by concerning motives. It's also driving D crazy, as he has picked up on it. I want us all to go back to being friends without all the drama and competition. Do I confront her? How do I make this better without stooping to her level?
View related questions:
at work, jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2015): Hi, I'm the OP. Thank you for your advice. Normally, I would agree with you and everything that you said. However, maybe I should be a little more clear on a few important factors:1. None of us our after a sexual relationship. This is very strictly platonic. You might try to argue that but the most helpful answers will be ones that respect that not everyone is after sex.2. Yes, he is fully aware of the situation but he is not playing stupid or looking for an ego boost. He is very tired of her acting so clingy and possessive like this and has voiced that opinion multiple times. But most of the aggressiveness is directed at me, so it's generally not his problem. 3. I thought my question was phrased in a very non-competitive way and I'm sorry that you got a different impression. I would be very glad if they remained friends, and I hope to keep her as my own friend. She has been very supportive in many things in my life, especially when my dad died last year. I don't care to fight her over this guy. (No guy is even worth that!) but I do care that she is turning everything into a fight I don't care enough to have.I hope if anyone else has any advice they might take these things into account! I am seriously concerned for my friendships.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2015): Guess what? Only he truly knows how close either of you are to him. It is also "he" that is totally aware of your competition; manipulating you both, and playing one against the other.
Guys in the middle are not as stupid as they pretend to be. For one thing, women make it no secret when and why they don't like each other. They think they're keeping it all under the table, but jealousy makes itself transparent.
First of all, five years of friendship with both of you, and neither of you are in a romantic relationship with this guy??? So what is all this competition about anyway? It's childish! You even bragged about how close you are to him.
Are you committed and exclusive? Are you his girlfriend?
You're fighting over a man who isn't a boyfriend to either of you. That's why I know he plays you against each other. It's an ego-boost. You both try to outdo the other for his affections and attention; and he benefits. Then he pretends he doesn't know it. How else is he supposed to act, but like it upsets him? All he has to do is tell you both to cut it out, and cut you both off as friends until you behave like grown-women. He won't, because it's too much fun; and he loves telling his buddies about it. He pretends to be on your side, then turns around and does the same to her.
It's classic! The guy in the middle is a fraud and a player!
Grow-up, girlfriend! You two are going at it, and making him a prize. Don't you think for one minute he doesn't know it.
If there is any "sex" involved in this "closeness?"
There you have it!
...............................
|
