A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupids... Started a new office job a few months ago and been working closely with this guy. Since the beginning there was some attraction however we've always acted in a professional manner (no personal conversations, just regular superficial small talk). However... on this one company outing... with an open bar... we overstepped our boundaries: heavy flirting, lots of touching (holding hands, hugging...) and in the end a hot and heavy makeout session (absolutely no sex or intimacy of that sort)... Since that night we're acting as if nothing happened and we manage to make it work. We haven't let that one event get in the way and have delivered some really good results on several projects (promotion is already on it's way). We're an effective team.But I feel that the attraction is still there. I can't help but wonder if there could be something more, I catch myself rethinking about that night and being with him. Sometimes I catch him staring at me and wonder if he feels the same and feels that attraction. We're both quite distant (especially on company grounds) and never flirt. If we talk/get in touch outside office hours, it's mostly related to work projects, so probably neither of us would ever make the first step in letting the other know there is attraction. I really don't want to be in the position of dating a coworker and there's a few signs telling me it just wouldn't work between us as I don't think we really have the same interests (as we don't know each other on a personal level) and have a few years of age difference (probably different priorities in life). I pretend as if there's nothing and try to ignore my desires but it's difficult as we see each other almost every day. I'm also getting back in the dating scene and so far, he's the only guy with whom I've felt so much chemistry in a while. I hate feeling this way and hide my emotions and pretend to be so cold and distant and act as if nothing is bothering me when inside I'm just boiling every time I'm near him and want to kiss and touch him so badly. Cupids, how do you deal with coworkers you feel there's some kind of chemistry? and not sure that maybe he feels the same?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2014): If you work effectively as a professional team, leave it at that. If he hasn't make any further moves, that is a good sign. He is beginning to realize that you are both better off setting your hormones aside; and collaborating your brain-power.
You see signs of possible incompatibility. Listen to your better judgement on that.
It was a nice little exchange you had, but stop fixating on it. It was mostly the alcohol, and you're suffering from an attention-deficit and searching for an emotional outlet.
Keep it cool, dignified, and professional. You're inline for a promotion; let it be based solely on your qualifications and hard-work. Not your romantic-affiliations, or under any presumption of it. Nosy people are always watching you.
Socially you've been isolated, and depriving yourself. Spending a major part of your time working with him, and letting the schoolgirl in you runaway with a crush. Don't mess things up. People always misplace their feelings, and planting them where they're inappropriate. Only to regret it. You've done perfectly so far, by keeping your distance. No references to that evening.
There is no chemistry. You're just lonely (maybe horny) and need to get together with some friends; and enjoy some fun and flirtation away from your job. Get out make yourself available to meet single and available men; who can take your mind off work, and offer you badly needed romance.
I don't condone office-romances; because they interfere with productivity and generate gossip. They are also a business-liability due to potential sexual harassment suits, or bitter unprofessional on-the-job conflicts. Someone gets scorned and vengeful.
The tension between a couple in conflict creates a bad office atmosphere; causes distraction amongst other workers. I have fired people for that; under the orders of higher authority. I really liked those people. Business is business.
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