A
female
age
41-50,
*onker
writes:I am very aware of my lecturer’s professional boundaries and respect that.The rapport between us is very good and I do believe he is interested in me too. I expect that there is about an 8 years age difference. And he doesn’t wear a wedding ring. He is my supervisor on my project and we arrange to meet regularly to discuss my project. The suppressed tension is upsetting me and I plan to finish my course this summer. How do I create the opportunity for a future romance to develop out of a professional friendship by the time my course ends?
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (15 February 2012):
 OP... I know you like this man. BUT...
"I am planning to study further at another university when the course finishes."
This will no doubt involve you either moving or spending a lot of time away from your current location. Is this really the grounding to build any kind of relationship?
A
female
reader, conker +, writes (15 February 2012):
conker is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for your help everyone. Celtic tiger - I like the point that you make about the wedding ring. I have decided on a career change and that is why I am doing my course and I currently study part time and work part time, and appreciate your points. I am planning to study further at another university when the course finishes. Cerberus - your points has hit home for me, to not flirt and the idea of contact after I finish as if he likes me now he will like me then is cool with me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2012): Just to add, if he has any interest in you at all then he has it now and it will still be there when you're finished. Do not risk his career by seducing him. Even a "friendly" coffee can completely confuse things and lead to complications. There is a harm in trying OP, it's too much of a risk to both of you right now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2012): You don't while you're in college.
You wait until you're finished and you just keep in contact.
While you're in college and if you truly want to respect his professional boundaries then you will ensure that there is a line you will not allow either of you to cross regardless of whether he wants to cross it or not.
You just have to be patient and wait OP.
Once you've graduated, keep in contact, add him to facebook or whatever and take it from there.
Do not sow any seeds right now, do not try to even hint or flirt or anything like that right now or you may not only fuck up your chances with him but you could also fuck up your own chances in college.
Good things come to those who wait.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (15 February 2012):
If he is working with you on a project in a supervisory role, then any kind of romantic relationship would be inapropriate. SHOULD you end dating him, your grades could be scrutinised, and as there is the issue of favouritism, sex for grades and professionally he would be doomed.
Many married lecturers do not wear wedding rings. Many are in long term relationships, many don't believe in marriaged (a bit more liberal minded!) or he could be gay.
Even tho you are an older student, the same rules still apply as if you were 18 and a first year undergrad.
Staff/student relationships are not looked on favourably.
What are your plans once you finish your course? Do you have a job? Are you going to continue your studies elsewhere?
What if you have to move away to find a job? he cant move. he has a secure job, and will not want to put that at risk in the current climate. There are VERY FEW teaching posts available in academia at present due to the massive funding cuts hitting universities. Many departments are downsizing and not replacing staff. He would be a fool to take any risks on his position.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2012): I think the first thing you have to establish is if he has a partner or not, alot of people live together or date long term and don't have rings.
If he is available then you could invite him for coffee or a drink, in the evening, so its more obviously a social plan. If he doesn't pick up the offer then he isn't interested. But there's no harm trying is there?
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