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How do I cope with my troubled and tormented thoughts of her?

Tagged as: Age differences, Breaking up, Cheating, Crushes, Dating, Health, Sex, The ex-factor, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (6 September 2016) 4 Answers - (Newest, 7 September 2016)
A male Canada age , anonymous writes:

I am a mid aged guy and 7 years ago, I began seeing a woman from work.

I was separated from my wife and 2 teenage girls but used to still see my wife on a friendly basis and help her out and still occasionally had sex with her.

The woman is married unhappily and seemed to be looking for something extra.

We got on well together, saw each other 3 x a week, spent hours together in my apartment while her husband was working and made love numerous times.

The sex was amazing, she is older than me and really seemed experienced. I have never experienced anything in my life.

I did tell her I could not commit because of my culture and I had a fear my girls would disown me 7 also was worried my wife would also extricate me, I may not have been welcome at family gatherings.

I was at her house for birthdays Xmas and other celebratory occasions, we also used to all go for special days out and even on vacation.

The woman was beginning to fall in love and said she wanted to leave her husband.

I never led her astray and was always honest to say we could not be together, she secretly hoped we would be.

I wanted to cut it but as well as the great sex, we got on well together, and were compatible.

I told her I always wanted us to be friends whatever happened, and I gave her a beautiful diamond and sapphire ring .

I was falling for her but had to hold back.

Over 5 years she was becoming more and more impatient and wanted to finish, she did finish the relationship about 5 x but we always found our way back in my bed.

Then one day she ended the relationship, I called her usual thinking it would not be long before we got back and this time she ignored me totally.

This was 2 years back, since then I moved away from her because I could not stand the situation.

In 2 years there has been no contact whatsoever, nothing.

I have never forgot her or the wonderful times we shared.

She has been on my mind more recently, at night I think of her and I miss her a lot.

I decided to send her an e-mail 2 weeks ago, I said sorry if I caused her pain, and that it should not have ended the way it did with bitterness.

I told her I still would like her as a friend.

I also told her the best happiest moments in my life were spent with her.

I asked if she would like to go for a coffee and catch up.

Each day I check my e-mail and nothing has come . No reply.

I was sure that she would have replied after so long.

She did love me a lot.

I don't know what my next course of action should be.

I am very troubled and tormented with thoughts of her.

Because she was not happy sexually with her husband I am almost certain she has had sex with another.

Please advise

Thanky you.

View related questions: sex with another

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (7 September 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntShe does not want friendship with you, she fell in love with you, why contact her again? To hurt her more? Because that is what you are doing, yes you might miss her, but are you willing to give her commitment like she needs? If not then stop being selfish and leave her to live her life.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2016):

Whatever the rights and wrongs of your relationship with this married woman she wanted commitment from you and you were unwilling to give her any. Realising this she was right to end things with you and go no contact to get over you.

She may have found another lover or improved things between her and her husband. Either way she does not owe you friendship or anything else and you should leave her alone.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2016):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I do not just miss her at night.

I miss her all the time.

We rarely spent a night together because of her circumstances.

Please do not get the impression I said I miss her at night because of a sexual element.

I think of her more at night because that's when people think more I believe when the world shuts down and for no other reason.

I want to hear from her at least & for us to remain friends.

The way it ended was not right.

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy +, writes (6 September 2016):

Anonymous 123 agony auntWow are you selfish!! You wouldn't commit to her, you wanted to stay in the good books of your family, you wanted the sex to continue with no strings attached and when she finally took a stand and cut you out of her life, you decide you want her back because you miss her, mostly at night. Boy are you a catch or what!

For heaven's sake leave her alone. Thankfully good sense has prevailed on her and she knows you now. Serves you absolutely right.

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