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How do I cope with my brother moving up his wedding to take place right in the middle of my exams?

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Question - (24 March 2016) 6 Answers - (Newest, 26 March 2016)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

A sibling has moved up their wedding due to complications with their wedding venue. They could have postponed it a month. Now the wedding is in the middle of my exam season. How do I cope with this? I know I sound selfish but these exams are very important and I know they talked to our Mother about it before making the decision. It feels like my Mother doesn't even consider my circumstances. How do I seriously cope with this new difficulty.

View related questions: my ex, wedding

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (26 March 2016):

CindyCares agony aunt Eh OP, we are all so good at managing other people's money, aren't we ?

Maybe when you will be organizing your own wedding, you'll jump too with pleasure at the chance of saving a few hundred bucks, even if it's not a fortune- maybe just a little something that allows you to have a longer honeymoon,or a better dress,.. or just to start your wedding life with your pockets not totally,dramatically cleaned out as it usually happens after all the wedding related expenses.

And particularly so when you know that all it happens is a small, manageable inconvenience to ONE of the family.

I have been often accused of being self-centered, OP, and you know what ?, it is true and I do not apologize for that ; I think in fact that it is wise and healthy being protective of your interest and keeping it to the forefront in general. But, with a pinch of salt. One has got to be flexible when a worthy occasion requires it.

This is your sibling, OP, and this is one of the most important days of his/ her life !

I am sure that you would gladly skip a birthday party if it were the same day that your sibling is admitted to the hospital for a serious operation ; or that you gladly would cut short of ONE day your vacations if the sibling just had had his/her first baby. That's the same type of deal; it may require some adjustment to your schedule, but - it's part of belonging to a family. And also, in practice, not really life changing for you !

All you have got to do his finishing your preparation and study by Saturday instead than Sunday. And if you feel that 24 hours could make such a big difference for the outcome- maybe you aren't ready to take that test anyway.

I can imagine, anyway, that not being able to review the day before could make you anxious - that 's such an ingrained habit, generally, that if feels weird not doing it even if you are well prepared. But there's a solution to that too. Leave in advance ( you have a good excuse ) and / or set your clock at 4 a.m. ; you are young, for once skipping few hours of sleep won't harm you .

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2016):

Hi Original writer of this question. The only reason they are moving the date is because the hotel asked them too for someone else and is giving them a discount. Not being mean it it isn't the price of a small new car. It honestly is not even worth moving the day for. My sibling is money hungry and that is the only reason the wedding date it moved. Its a bad omen in my opinion. The wedding is on a Sunday and my exams are on the Monday.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (24 March 2016):

Honeypie agony auntI would presume there is a reason why they picked the day/time that they did and that it wasn't to offend you or make things difficult for you. As it is THEIR wedding they probably picked a date that worked for THEM!

A wedding is a one-day event (unless it's a destination or within certain cultures) so you should be fine. My guess is it's on a Saturday, not a weekday?

If it IS on a weekday and it doesn't work with YOUR exams, let him know.

I get that it would be nice if you had your exams over and done with before their wedding, but alas that is not how they decided to plan it.

So either you adapt to the new plan or you miss out on a wedding.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (24 March 2016):

CindyCares agony aunt Oh you can cope beautifully. You just need to not sweat the small stuff.

I mean, of course the timing of the event is inconvenient , but , after all, it's nothing to lose sleep about.

You are not the bride yourself, you do not have to devote hours and days to preparations. All you've got to do is to wear something nice ( no time if you have an already well stocked wardrobe, and , say, one hour, to choose something on line in case you don't have time for going shopping ) and to show up at the appointed place and time.

Obviously you won't be able to attend if the wedding 's day and time coincides with one of your exams, in which case it's a pity but you will have to excuse yourself.

Otherwise, all you are going to loose is some hours , the time for the ceremony and the reception, - and if you see it drags on , you have a perfectly acceptable excuse to congratulate the newlyweds and make an early exit.

But, even supposing that there's a long commuting involved, and that you want / must stay till the last second- it's ONE day ( at least if it a normal Western wedding, in some cultures a wedding can take over 5 days or so, but I hope for you that's not your case ). Let's say, maybe, 16 hours ? ( because even if you are studying hard, you still would be sleeping, eating, showering,etc. )

You can start redistributing the study hours which you will be missing adding half an hour a day to your study schedule from now, if you feel it makes a difference.

But, if you have followed your classes and studied enough along the school year, it should not. In fact, taking a break might actually refresh your brain and improve your performances.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia +, writes (24 March 2016):

Aunty BimBim agony auntLife throws "stuff" at us all the time, and we need to be like the grass that bends with the wind ....

So, start planning how you are going to deal with it now, what are your options, will you be sitting an exam at the same time he will be getting married? If so, tell him now that you wont be able to be there for him, but that you hope it is a lovely day.

If times and dates are not going to clash, then some thought put into what you need to do to make sure you get your rest etc in while still being there for the wedding, for example if you are going to have to travel away, then start planning now to see if you can fit in the wedding and still be fresh enough to sit exams.

While I agree middle of exams is not the ideal time to be attending a family wedding its not the end of the world.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2016):

That's life. Your age is showing you as 26-29; by now you should realise life doesn't revolve around you and your plans. Yes, your exams are important to you. This wedding is important to your sibling. As an adult you learn to accommodate things, so the timing isn't great. One day and evening to celebrate a massive event isn't much to ask. You also have to ask yourself, if you're not ready for your exams after goodness knows how many months (or years) you've been studying the subject then have you prioritised enough anyway? What difference is losing one day of revision to go to a wedding going to make before an exam when you can still revise the day before, the day after and any other day.

It will sound extremely selfish to complain, your family - understandably - will be more excited about a wedding than your exam season and you will just have to plan your time around it. I'm assuming the wedding is at a weekend? In which case you return for it on the Friday evening and leave again on the Sunday and have no concerns about missing an exam. To be honest, the break could do you good as you won't be trying to overload yourself with last minute revision.

If it's a weekday then you will need to get in touch now with the exams office to discuss arrangements. A wedding of a sibling is an important occasion, and there could be special circumstances that allow you to sit the exam early or later than others. It could be that if you get in touch now you allow enough time for your exam timetable to be revised to accommodate your attendance of the wedding. Basically, you take responsbiltiy for organising arrangements. Perhaps you have to miss an exam and then sit a retake - as a worst case scenario. But I am sure if you politely explain your circumstances to the exam office at your place of study things can be sorted out with you.

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