A
female
age
30-35,
*dentifiable
writes:Im applying for university to do a law degree, ive decided to live away and am very insecure and scared of not making friends, ive always been very socialable but find my self fake smiling at peoples jokes and thinking god please shut up ...so im afraid i wont get on with people... thats just a bit of background on me , my point is i want my best friend to come uni with me we are taking the same degree and i know she wants to live away how can i convice her to come with me ! ... i would be more confident with a definate friend there and she understands me completely she is like the left side of me .. how do i convince her x
View related questions:
best friend, insecure, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (29 June 2009):
 I'm afraid you cant try and influence her decision on where to go to uni, it has to be her choice not yours! If you put her under pressure to go with you to the same uni then she might resent you if she secretly wants to go to some other uni. Or it will ruin your friendship - you dont want that now do you? Your friend has to go where she wants, your choice of uni is a big deal and it will affect the rest of your life! So she has to choose where to go without any pressure from anyone else.
I know the idea of going to uni seems scary, and I remember my 1st 2 weeks at uni, it was horrible! I went to Manchester Uni alone, none of my friends were there. I was on a floor of 12 girls in my halls and I didnt really get on with any of them! I cried for 2 weeks, and hated it and just wanted to go hme. But then I met some great people on my course and in my halls (on different floors) and I started to make friends, and my 1st year at uni ended up being one of the best years of my life.
I know you are worried about being alone but you have to remember that everyone else is in the same boat, the majority of people who go to uni go alone without any of their old friends from home. So they will all be wanting to make friends too! And you will find that at uni, especially in halls, anyone and everyone will talk to you! You meet such a diverse range of people, it is a mis-match of all sorts of people with different personalities from different cultures.
I honestly believe that going to uni and staying in halls is an important part of growing up, it makes you a stronger person and gives you so much confidence! I used to be so quiet and shy before uni, and I would rely upon my close friends if I ever wanted to go out or do something. Now I love meeting new people and can talk to anyone, but this is only because of being brave and getting stuck in at uni!
I think if your friend came with you then you would not have the same experience at uni and you would no grow as a person. Having her there to hold your hand might seem like a good idea but really it will stop you from making friends - you will have no need to if she is there so you wont be as sociable with other people, and it is off-putting to others who might come and talk to you if they see you have a close friend already there. I know this will be hard for you but believe me you are best just being brave and going by yourself!
Let your friend make her own choice of where to go and you go the uni you want to go to, regardless of her. You only get to go to uni once (well most people do anyway!) and it will be some of the best years of your life, and I promise you WILL make loads of great friends. But it needs to be done alone, it will make you a better person.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
male
reader, StudentOfLife  +, writes (29 June 2009):
 I had the same problem until I asked myself this question "What will I do once I start my career? Will I still be dependent on my friends?"
Instead of convincing her to come with you, why not work on your self-confidence/self-esteem/insecurity issue?
The way to do this is to know yourself more. Once you figure yourself out, you'll feel more comfortable around people.
Personality Plus book by Flaurence Littauer is a book I would recommend to anybody who, like me, wants to know themselves more.
...............................
|
