A
female
age
30-35,
*moothlegs
writes:ok so im 16. and i really love my boyfriend. we have been together about a year and a half now and im just ready to start my life with him already. everybody always tells me that i should wait to move in with him b/c i dont know what im getting myself into, but i love him and want to live with him NOW. also, i realllllly want a baby....hehe, yea. he says that he does too but not now, and i understand that we need to wait, but i just wanna baby so bad. i love babies. what do i do? i need advice!!
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female
reader, youknowwho +, writes (12 March 2012):
I know how you feel, I'm 16 and my bf is 18, I want one and he doesn't right now. Wait until you are financially stable and have plans for a future, go to college and get a degree, then think about children. Don't screw up your future because you had a kid at 16. Take this from someone who's mom had her at 17.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2012): I know how you feel honey. I had my first miscarriage when I had just turned 15. Now with my fiancee (I am 19)we have had a recent miscarriage. Now I'm not going to get into details, but I do want to explain a few things to you that I have learned through the years.
No matter how much YOU want a baby... you have to think about the baby and what it will be like for him/her to grow up with a teenage mother. You need to be prepared. Your body has not reached it's FULL maturity yet, which means that your body may not be ready to carry a child to term. You have to consider that possibility and talk with an ob/gyn before you decide to go through with this. You can go in for a "check up" and have a private conversation with the doctor without your parents knowing. It's quite simple. Just start asking questions. Another thing you have to consider is financial stability. Not including medical bills, you will probably spend over $6,000 on the baby alone in the first year. That's not including rent, utilities, gas to get anywhere, etc. Are you both working? You will have to consider child care and maternity leave. It takes a lot to raise a child. I would suggest at least finishing high school first. Even if the best option for you would be to graduate early. Get your diploma at the very least. You will want to have a life that will show as an example to your child. You will understand. I'm not trying to put you down. Just think long and hard about the consequences your child would face just because you wanted to rush. When you're ready emotionally nad financially, make sure that your body is ready.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): I have the same problem. Well, I'm almost 19 and in love more than ever with my boyfriend, whom I have also been with almost 2 years. But, I wanted to be with this man since I was 12. lol So anyway, he says he wants a kid but he's not ready yet. Though he already has a beautiful 3 year old daughter, it just kills me inside that he knows just how bad I want a baby!! SOOOOOO bad. I know exactly how you feel, but I don't have a solution to your problem... I was searching and was hoping to find the answer on the responses you got. But everyone tells me the same thing, but they are not in love with someone as we are, and don't understand how much you want this. I don't want to be with anyone else EVER. he is the one, i just wish I could convince him the time is now. :) anyway, i dont have an account thingy on here, so feel free to email me! [email address blocked] Keep your head up high girly! ^_^
-Brittany
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A
female
reader, maybebabysweeny +, writes (22 February 2008):
I am 16 years old and may be pregnant this very second as we speak and have no job or no financial money myself or my boyfriend to support a baby . Yes you may be in love , but why does a baby need to involved ? Is it because you feel if you have a baby he will love you more or you two will get even closer ? No . A baby is not the answer . A baby is a human being you will be taking care of for the next 18 years of your life . Please be careful and think before you act before you make the biggest mistake of your life . Take care sweetie and please think over on having a baby .
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2008): He doesnt want a baby, well he is the one with the sense here!!!!! Wake up! They are for life and people are right when they say that the partner is always different when you move in with them. Little things that might not bother you really BOTHER YOU!!! when you move in. Take some advice, dont be in such a rush to have a baby, you have years ahead of you yet and what is the hurry????? You should do some studying, travel the world, get a job, etc. What would you live on financially? Where would you live? Think about it, i wish i was only 16, i wouldnt have kids until i was 30, if at all then.
take care
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2008): Hey sweetheart why the rush to have a baby now? You have all your life ahead of you to have one. Live your life to the best you can now. These are the best years of your life right now. Don't tie yourself down to one guy just yet.... There is so much to see, experience and do in your life.
If you are asking us how to convince your boyf that you really want a baby well then neither of you are ready just yet. You both are prob in high school still with no steady income, stable home to bring the child up in. Its gonna be tough on you, on anyone that brings a child into the world.
I agree with what Namatjira said about getting involved with children's organisations. Volunteer or get a job at w/ends in one in your local area and I'm sure it will be an eye opener for you. You could give so much to these children by doing something like this. You could be a nurses helper/aid in a hospital or day centre... There's lots of possibilities out there. Try that before you actually have a child and realise how hard it really is...
I used to be a volunteer helper at a kids summer camp a few years ago. The kids I was looking after were girls & boys between 4-8. I was in an accident and missed a week of the camp but they made me a get well card, and all wanted to "mind & look after me" when I came back. It was the best experience with kids I ever had.
Best of luck with it all
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A
male
reader, Namatjira  +, writes (21 February 2008):
Hi,
You know in yourself (your question says it) that now is not the right time, you are too young for this to be a good idea right now. So I cannot support your wish to have a baby, but I can offer some suggestions that may help you manage this wish until the time is right.
I know that many girls have babies at your age and even younger and many of them also think that they would not change the experience, but if they are honest with themselves I am also sure they wish they had been a bit older really.
You clearly seem to have strong maternal instincts so why not find other ways to satisfy them. Get involved with helping out at an orphanage, a children's hospital or some other organisation. Charities that help children who are terminally ill to realise dreams in the time they have left are always wanting more volunteers. I am also sure that you can think of many other similar ideas. Helping these good causes effectively requires courage, and good maternal instincts. It is rewarding, distressing, makes for some incredible experiences and a sense of really helping someone that is hard to equal in other activities. Did I mention that it can also make you feel good. In addition I think you would have the opportunity to learn further parenting skills just from observing those adults involved with these same children. Maybe you would learn something from these kids as well.
What it would do is give you many opportunities to exercise your maternal instincts and shower love on a small person's life, gain satisfaction from the results of your efforts, bring you the love of those you help - often with an intensity that will surprise you - and will hopefully help you to manage the desire to have your own baby until you are at an age, maturity, and point in your life where it makes better sense than now.
I hope that you think carefully about my suggestion. At 16 you really are too young to start your own family, but there is no reason why you cannot emotionally adopt one in the way I have outlined.
It is good that you have these strong maternal instincts as too many people these days do not and some children are in a terrible situation.
I travel to the Ukraine several times each year and have become just one patron of many for an Orphanage in one of the cities there. Each trip I take more things, I write to several of the children there, help them to learn English while they help me with my poor Russian. And when I am there my time is theirs. I sit in their classes, walk in the park, and just spend time with them. Why an orphanage there and not closer to home? Well it happened by accident, but I would not change it for anything now. My own children are grown up and gone and being by myself it is difficult to fill the need within me to be a family protector, so this is how I do it. I get to feel like a dad again and these kids get to feel that someone cares what happens to them.
I wish you every success in your life and hope you have the courage to follow decisions that may be hard but which you know in your heart are the right things to do.
Be happy and be safe.
Message me if I can help any further.
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