A
female
age
,
*lly427
writes:I've been with my partner for 5 years, in all that time he's been in touch with his ex wife. I've caught him out on many occasions texting other women, also I've found photos on his PC of other women. He promised me he would never do it again. I have now seen the same old signs again, turning mobile off when he gets in from work, keeping it on silent at weekends, etc. When I asked him about the photos on the PC he said he doesn know how they got there, I don't want to play his silly games anymore. I am so very frightend of men, due to my past, which is not plesant, and yes I am frightened of him. I cannot afford to walk out and start all over again. How do I confront this yet again whithout him going in rages.
View related questions:
ex-wife, his ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2007): Girlfriend, pack your stuff and get out! It sounds like he is never going to change! You have already been though this before with him, right??? I know how hard it is to start all over again, but, that is exactly what you need to do! If he has rages, What would he do if the shoe was on the other foot???huh!!! Think aboutit! you are to good for him, let that sorry sob go!!! let me know if that helps!!!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2007): I feel very sad reading your question because you clearly went into this relationship wholeheartedly, despite a difficult past, and seem to have got very little in the way of true commitment back - there are many 'holes' aren't there (texting, suspiscious behaviour, ex-wife like the grim-reaper in the background). From what you describe his behaviour needs confronting however I think he may deny it like he obviously seems to do (what a load of rubbish about the pictures on the PC!!!). I'm not sure whether your partner has children with his ex and that is why he stays in so much contact? Perhaps it is the nature of their contact rather than the frequency? I wonder how all this is affecting your physical relationship too - trust and loyalty are big subjects for a woman and are absolutely essential to giving yourself to a man physically. You have some options and these are just some of my ideas.1) Stay calm and tell him specifically what you are not happy with and watch his reaction carefully - set a time limit for change.2) Start behaving like he is and see if he notices - or even change your pattern of behaviour to make him sit up and take notice (don't be in when he comes home, don't leave a note that kind of thing - be half an hour or so late and see whether it concerns him. Get a friend to text you at odd times and make sure he hears the phone bleeping.3) Set a honey trap to test him once and for all - but be prepared for the outcome if it turns out he is cheating - although at least you have ammunition.It may be that you could try 1) first and then move on to 2) and 3) but either way I would urge you to start making some plans for your own happiness and security - financial or otherwise. Its a horrible fact that women should always have an 'escape' fund. Please try and think of ways in which you could possibly build a little nest egg up - even if you stay with this guy you will know you have it and it will give you some confidence and control. You are vulnerable and this is not a good feeling I understand it very well but it is time you started taking a bit more control of the situation you are in. I wish you lots of luck and happiness however you find it - good men are out there and they do exist.
...............................
|
