A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:alright everyone... so i need a bit of advice. I would like to begin by giving you a bit of information... I am an adult in his early 20s. At the present time, I really have not talked to my family (specifically my father) for a bit over a year now as his emotional abuse was too much. It ended with physical abuse, which I never would have dreamed of growing up with him. Anyway. I recently found out that my father was having an affair with someone in their late 20s... he is in his early 40s, so lets just say about 15 years difference. That being said, my mother clearly has no idea, and I also have 2 younger sisters (twins) that are 6 years old. I know that I have to confront my father on this, however, any suggestions on how I should do it?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2007): I can see you must be incredibly angry. Your father is letting you down, not behaving the way you knew him growing up and it has ended up physical. You feel you have a responsibility to be the protector for your siblings, your mother and yourself.
Ratting out or behaving like him is not worth it. While it feels very victorious at the time, it is utterley miserable when your having to testify to your own parents' personality and behaviour. I am not sure what kind of relationship you have with the mother (if it is your mother)of these children but be a good role model to them and something that is strong and supportive rather than getting upset as to how your father is behaving. Imagine what they are thinking, they only have 6 years of experience to go on!Let him get on with it...he is old enough to know how to act responsibly. My advice is to not get yourself involved, outshine him and be completely stoic, strong and better than all of them. Be a responsible adult who is better than someone who has age on their side, it doesn't mean anything, maturity, responsibility and honesty is something you have that your Dad doesn't possess.
Hope that helps.
A
female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (4 May 2007):
 Sorry but I agree with, eyeswideopen on this. It sounds very much like revenge. The trouble is you want to hurt you father, but it will hurt the person who is innocent (your mum). Do you have any proof that this is happening, or is it hearsay. Because if you do confront your dad and its not true, this will make matters even worse.
If I were you I would bide my time, by spending it with your sisters and mum. There may come to a time when they will really need you, and you can help support them.
If this turns out to be true, and carries on for a long period, then I think you could talk to your father, and let him know that you are aware he has been doing this. Do not use this as a threat, your mum will not thank you for interfearing.
I know this must be really hard for you, but think how devastated your mother is going to be, if he leaves for this younger girl. Please try to think about the harm all this could do. And try to keep a distance.
You sound like you love your mum very much, dont be the one to break her heart.
Good luck XXX
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (4 May 2007):
 You do not need to confront your father with this. For your mother's sake leave it alone. She may already know about it anyway, wives quite often do and for their own reasons decide to turn a blind eye. If this confrontation you seek is payback for the abuse then you need to see it for what it is, revenge. Keep your distance from your father if you must but this is not your business. I'm sure your mother would like more contact with you as well as your little sisters, try to call them more often. Family is important.
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A
female
reader, agony_emz +, writes (4 May 2007):
 i feel for you i really do i know what its like to have one of your parents be unfaithful and its hurts im not guna deny that!! i am behind you in that you want to confront him as it can wreck a family apart! i think you should meet him just the two of you in a public place so no one can get hurt and confront him saying that you know about his affair and ask him questions about it as you most obviously will want some answers as to why he is doing this, maybe he is unhappy or there maybe problems at home that you are unaware of! it will be hard to accept what his answers maybe wether its what you want to hear or not as this may help him that he can finally talk to someone about it and in the end you maybe able to save your family from the hurt and the pain of seperation.
i realy hope it works out for you!!
good luck x
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