A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy 3 months ago and we have been seeing each other since then. He told me he is in love with me and wants to be with only me. But still has feelings for his ex which he has a child with. Well she called wants to get back with him and since then things have been a little different. Like hiding his phone and it being on silent. and yesterday he called me on accident and I could hear he was over with his son and he shouted out babe to her to come see something the baby was doing. And after he left there he called me since I live like 5 mins for her. and came over and stayed the night. I didn't tell him anything yet cause I wanted to hear all the lies about where he was and what he did over the weekend. since we didn't talk either! I dont know what to do or how to confront him. I know he knows things with her are not going to work out but feels he needs to try. Why is he keeping me on the back burner to make sure he won't lose me??? please help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2012): Its so easy for people to say "you've only been together 3 months so move on". Everyone is different some people fall in love easily and just because he's still into his ex doesn't mean he is not in love with the OP. Everything is not always as black and white as you guys who are not in a particular situation think it is. I say confront him about the phone call you over heard and see what he says and go from there. Honestly I think you could get hurt in this relationship, they have a baby together and he could suddenly decide to get back together with her and leave you heartbroken. I'm not saying you should dump him, its not my place to tell you what to do but just be ready for anything. I do hope everything works out in your favor.
A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (5 June 2012):
 He is laying on the guilt, trying to make you feel bad for being suspicious of him, while knowing full well that he is doing EXACTLY what you are accusing him of.
He is lying to you, and hoping that you're not smart enough to see it, or that he can manipulate you into ignoring it. If this is how you want your life with him to be, then stay right where you are.....but you deserve better, and if you want better, then break it off and move on. Sure, it will hurt at first, but you will be so much happier in the long run.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (5 June 2012):
 I think it was really too soon for him to tell you he loved you at the 3 month point. Waay too soon. He is obviously still very much involved with his wife. He jumped into the relationship with you and let things go too deep now's he's in a pickle trying to keep you from feeling used. He can't keep the two of you on a string forever and you would probably be wise to cut him lose before she finds out and forces him out, to which he may resent you (it's funny how that works out sometimes).
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female
reader, lost723 +, writes (4 June 2012):
I have told him how I feel about all of this about 2 weeks ago. We were out on a date and he said I was distant so I told him I felt something was going on with them and he was very upset even cried telling me he has only been honest with me and has never felt what he feels for me for anyone. He told me he was honest from the beginning about his feelings towards her and he was. But we also said we would be honest and no going back and forth. He told me when did he have time and prior to this weekend he has always been with me and on the phone or texting. He was very upset he didnt call me for a whole week. When he did he told me being without me was so hard but he was so mad for me doubting him. And then i find out this weekend he is seeing her. I heard him call out to her 3 times "babe" come see what he is doing! I was on there for 15 min and heard her come in the room and talk to them. I already have feelings for him. we have lots in common and we can talk for hours everyone says we are perfect together. I know he is not telling the truth because he knows I will be done. and he is unsure if they will work. they have been on and off for the last 5 years
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female
reader, lost723 +, writes (4 June 2012):
Thanks! I understand and I knew this all along but I needed to hear it from other people! I am going to confront him about it. again thanks everyone!
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A
female
reader, lost723 +, writes (4 June 2012):
When I first met him he was done with her. Just until 3 weeks ago she called him told him she was back on her meds and wanted to make things work. He told me there was nothing for me to worry about and we kept seeing each other but then I noticed the calls and like I said the phone call I heard. I know he is confused and I know that is not an excuse. Should I tell him I know he has been lying. I drove by there and saw him there and when he called me and came over I asked where he was and he told me his moms and at his ex's house. Why am I being so stupid about this!
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A
female
reader, lost723 +, writes (4 June 2012):
When I first met him he was done with her. Just until 3 weeks ago she called him told him she was back on her meds and wanted to make things work. He told me there was nothing for me to worry about and we kept seeing each other but then I noticed the calls and like I said the phone call I heard. I know he is confused and I know that is not an excuse. Should I tell him I know he has been lying. I drove by there and saw him there and when he called me and came over I asked where he was and he told me his moms and at his ex's house. Why am I being so stupid about this!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2012): Maybe he is afraid of being alone. Who knows what he has done all weekend and you definitely do not want to hear his lies because it will hurt like hell..I believe the child's mother is still trying to pursue him for what ever reason and also I think she called your phone while they were having their little family moment. He may have no clue. When you do confront him just remain calm and after he finish answering your questions even if he reply in lies. You tell him about the phone call and how you are feeling...Do not allow him to string you along in the process of his issue with her because sometimes most people tend to go back to their ex..Try your best not to get too attached to him especially emotionally it makes it harder to let go. Also its been 3 months do not put all you energy into a man who is not even sure of where he wants to be at the moment and seem to be some how still dealing with his child's mother...
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A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (4 June 2012):
He's keeping you on a back burner, because you're allowing him to, don't get caught up in a love triangle. Since they have a child together, the ex is always going to be a part of his life. Talk to him, tell him of your suspicions, and of the accidental phone call.....let him know you know exactly where he was over the weekend. Break it off with him, tell him you think he needs time to figure out whether or not things are going to work out with his ex. Don't allow him to run back and forth between the two of you, either. Don't be his safety net, sitting and waiting for him to come back to you. You've only got three moths invested in the relationship, so move on and start dating other people, again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2012): You could start by asking him how his weekend went and what he did and listen to what he has to say. If you just jump down his throat with accusations he probably will just point blank deny everything and tell you its all in your head because you know he still loves his ex and she wants him back. At least if you show him the call register on your phone and compare it the time and date of the call on his and tell him what you heard, he may admit defeat and come clean. As to where you go from there well that seems to depend on him at the minute as he's the one secretly spending time with his ex knowing she wants him back and your just left looking like a spare wheel. Its never nice to play second fiddle to someone else (much less an ex) in a relationship. If and after you confront him, you should give him an ultimatum, its either you or her because you really feel you don't know where you stand in the relationship and its unfair on you (and I guess her depending on what signals or impression he's giving her) But firstly before you do anything else, are you sure you didn't miss hear what he said? And he wasn't saying to his ex to "Come and see the baby" or something similar? Nonetheless, he shouldn't have gone round there behind your back full stop.
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female
reader, shellycg +, writes (4 June 2012):
 Hi
My advice to you would be to confront him - he obviously is torn and do you really want to be with a man who is torn between 2 women? Him also being secretive with his phone is warning sign to me and signals that there is stuff on there that he doesnt want you to see... dont let him come over to you after he has seen her either - thats just a ploy to make him feel better about the situation and where he has been... ive been where you are trust me i have - its not pleasant i know but you do need to confront him before you all end up in a love triangle and one big mess and you left feeling hurt. Hugs to you xx
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 June 2012):
 he's using you as a backup...
why are you allowing him to use and abuse you
IF you ever want a REAL relationship with this liar (although why I don't know) you must END it now until he has finished with his ex.
He's not done with her and he is using you as a security blanket.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2012): Well, I feel the thing that ties him to his ex the most is their child. I've seen many couples go through a silent and totally failed marriage all their lives becuase they felt t would be right for their child. And unfortunately there's nothing you an do about that.
Be honest and tell him that you are too wary about his relationship with his ex. Honestly, go away from him. He will always feel the attachment to his ex and they will try hard to make it work by the sound of things. All of this will happen sooner or later and so, take control of your life and do what will end your hurt.
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