A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, Recently me and my boyfriend have had huge fights, we have been together for 2 years, recently the fights just seem to be him having goes at me, pointing out all my flaws, calling me arrogant and other things. And he says that unless i change (bad flaws eg. arrogance) he will dump me.When i call him and ask what time will he be over, he will say 3 maybe 4 hours, i give him a ring every 2 hours to see whats happening, but when it comes to the time he says he will be over, when i ring him and he just says that he will be another hour or so.I do love him so much and i want to get this resolved.How do i change from the person i am to be the person i want to be?so if you have any advice please help. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (22 March 2011):
 I think you should take some time to figure out if the things he's mad about are real, objective flaws, or if he's just yelling at you and being unreasonable.If, after very careful consideration, you've decided you want to change something, the only really effective thing to do is harness your willpower and do it. Write it down if it helps, but there's really no trick to it (at least, not that I know of), you just have to do it.So, say you want to be less arrogant. Take a second before talking about yourself, or responding to comments about yourself, take a deep breath and say something humble. You can eventually internalize this behavior, making it a realistic part of your attitude. I did basically the same thing in reverse a long time back, taking the time to say something confident, until I'd internalized it. Fake it 'til you make it.Just respond slower to things and think about what you say.
A
female
reader, MamaBear +, writes (22 March 2011):
It has taken you many years to become the person you now are. If you change just because some guy wants or expects you to do so, you will not be true to yourself. He must have seen something in you that attracted him. You need to seriously consider what you want from your life at your present age, then decide on what you may want in a few years, etc.. This all won't come about overnight. I would say if you are a high school graduate, are thinking of going to college, or if you have a decent paying job you enjoy, then you are doing fine. If you keep yourself - body, hair and clothing clean, then you are presentable to the world. If you are "up" on world affairs and what's going on in your community, then you are intelligent. If you eat right, get enough exercise, don't do drugs, are able to communicate with both sexes of all ages, etc., then you are a "successful" young person for your age! So, my suggestion is to dump the downer of a bf and find someone who enjoys you as you are, and will make your world brighter!
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