A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 22 female living in India. I am in relationship with this guy A for almost 6 years. We both are working and financial stable . My bf cheated on me couple of years back and I was devastated .Then after few months we patched up and things were great between us. Now his family has approved of our relationship and helps us even. My family don't approve him because of caste and other customs. Coming to the story few days back he read few letters I wrote when he left me. And he feels like I will never be happy with me and he is asking me to move on. I tried but I cannot get over him everything reminds of something happened between us. Now coming to this guy he has two problems 1) he is addicted to porn and thinks to fuck people ( he thinks like if he lives somwer abroad he could fuck so many people)2) he is over thinking about life we have own arguments and fights as normal couples he feels like he cannot stay in love or any relationship at allI thought of taking him to therapist but he feels like going to doctor is taboo. What to do now ? How to change his mind? I have strong feeling for him still should I move on still ?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2017): You're only 22. You have your whole life ahead of you. You can move on! It will take time. He's made it clear he doesn't want you so you have to move on.
WiseOwlE said you're the one who should seek therapy and he's right. You have to realize this guy knows who he is and has spared you a life of frustration and pain by telling you to move on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2017): You're the one who really needs the therapy. He's happy with who he is and wants to live his life as he sees fit.
Yes, you should move on. He has made it clear he doesn't feel he would be faithful to you. He has cheated before.
It isn't up to you to change the minds of other people to suit yourself. I don't think he would be happy married to you, nor would you be happy married to him. You would also become estranged from your family, and marry without their blessing. You wouldn't be happy with that either.
You've become somewhat obsessed with him. It's time for YOU to seek a good therapist.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2017): How can I explain?? cultural difference will not be deal . And my problem is regard to this guy . I can't move on I tried so hard
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2017): I think he did you a big favor by asking you to move on. You probably never will be happy with him. One thing I'll say in his favor is he's been honest with you about how he wants to live his life. He's admitted he doesn't want a relationship. He wants to fool around a lot.
I know it hurts to hear this now, especially after investing almost six years in him, but in the long run you will be happier without him. Therapy wouldn't help him if he doesn't want to go. Let him go and live the life he wants and live yours in the best way possible. It takes time, but you will get over him. You're far more mature than he and deserve someone who knows your worth.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (29 December 2017):
 You really CAN'T change his mind or how he thinks. ONLY he can and ONLY if he WANTS to put in the work.
And the thing is his attitude, how he sees life as being ALL about sex and how many people he can have sex with, PLUS a porn addiction - it's VERY unlikely that this will change, both the attitude AND the porn addiction.
Have you considered that long term he isn't really a good fit for you? Not so much because he cheated but due to the cultural difference and caste issue, which I think is such a BIG deal in India?
What about your family? Not saying that your family should dictate who you can be with, but family approval is usually important for MOST of us.
And mostly, WHAT about you?
I understand that you care about him and have history with him, but in reality after 6 YEARS! you two haven't progressed a bit.
How long do you think you should WAIT for him to GROW up and mature? Because I don't think that is likely either.
I honestly think you are wasting your time on this guy.
You CAN love someone and NOT be a good match. And you can decide to move on and find someone you can both LOVE and have a future with.
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